


Harvest Moon

by thirstaidkit



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Break Up, Complete, Consensual Underage Sex, Depression, F/M, Jealousy, Love Triangles, POV Alternating, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Vampires, Werewolves, and then reconvergence, not every chapter though, sort of - read the description
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:42:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 23
Words: 40,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24953992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thirstaidkit/pseuds/thirstaidkit
Summary: My take on a what-might-have been version of New Moon/Eclipse - an AU which neatly fits into the existing canon, in which Bella doesn't jump off the cliff and instead makes a go of it with Jacob. My intention is for the reader to be able to move seamlessly into reading it from the original at the appropriate point. To aid this transition, I have incorporated some quotations from the original, both in and out of context; particularly in the beginning. My hope is that it's smooth enough to be mostly unnoticeable.This was my first fic, written during the original heyday of the Twilight fandom. I'm not active in it anymore, and I don't know if anyone will want to read this, but I'm posting it here, mostly for my own archival purposes. I'd thought it lost forever after I pulled it from ff.net but recently regained access to my old private livejournal, where I came across all but the last chapter. If I get some response, I'll consider rewriting the lost conclusion; otherwise, here it is, warts and all.There is some sex, and the characters are their canon ages (Bella is 18, Jacob 16), so if you take issue with that, be warned.
Relationships: Bella Swan & Charlie Swan, Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Jacob Black & Charlie Swan, Jacob Black & Edward Cullen, Jacob Black/Bella Swan, wolfpack - Relationship
Comments: 5
Kudos: 35





	1. Pressure

I woke early that morning and snuck a change of clothes out to the truck. I had a feeling that Charlie would approve of today's plan to cliff dive just about as much as he would approve of the motorcycle.

The idea of a distraction from all my worries had me almost excited. Maybe it _would_ be fun. A date with Jacob, a date with Edward....I chuckled darkly to myself. Jake could say what he wanted about us being a messed-up pair: I was the one who was truly messed up. I made the werewolf seem downright normal.

I expected Jacob to meet me out front, the way he usually did when my noisy truck announced my arrival. When he didn't, I guessed that he might still be sleeping. I would wait – let him get as much rest as he could. He needed his sleep, and that would give the day time to warm up a bit more. Jake had been wrong about the weather; it hadn't warmed up much from the day before at all, and though it was midday, the sky had never gotten truly light – low clouds hung darkly overhead. I put on my sweater as I got out of the truck.

I knocked quietly on the door.

“C'mon in, Bella,” Billy said. He was at the kitchen table, eating cold cereal.

“Jake sleeping?”

“Yeah, he was out running pretty late last night. Said to send you in though, if you got here before he was up.”  
I was tempted to look in on Jake – alone time wasn't very good for me, and I was in need of distraction, but I didn't want to disturb him. He needed his sleep. It was my fault he was wearing himself out so badly in the first place. If only vampires found it easier to resist me....the thought made me wince. I could think of one who didn't seem to be having a very hard time doing just that.

“I'll be at the beach,” I told Billy abruptly, and hurried out the door. Suddenly, the room was too small, and I needed to be alone – the pain was threatening to overtake me. The hole in my chest had been festering lately, like it was getting revenge for the times that Jacob's presence had tamed it. The edges burned.

Being outside didn't help as much as I'd hoped. The clouds pushed down with an invisible weight that kept the claustrophobia from easing. The forest seemed strangely vacant as I walked toward the beach. I didn't see any animals – no birds, no squirrels. I couldn't hear birds, either. The silence was eerie; there wasn't even the sound of wind in the trees.

I knew it was all just a product of the weather, but it still made me edgy. The heavy, warm pressure of the atmosphere was perceptible even to my weak human senses, and it hinted at something major in the storm department. A glance up at the sky backed this up; the clouds were churning sluggishly despite the lack of breeze on the ground. The closest clouds were a smoky gray, but between the cracks I could see another layer that was a gruesome purple color. The skies had a ferocious plan in store for today. The animals must be bunkering down.

As soon as I reached the beach, I wished I hadn't come – I'd already had enough of this place. I'd been here almost every day, wandering alone. Was it so much different from my nightmares? But where else to go? I trudged down to the driftwood tree, and sat at the end so that I could lean against its tangled roots. I stared up at the angry sky broodingly, waiting for the first drops to break the stillness.

I tried not to think about Jacob – when he wasn't with me, thinking about him only made me worry. He and his friends could get hurt, or even killed trying to protect me from Victoria. The thought was unendurable. Nothing could happen to Jacob. I'd lost too much already – would fate take the last few shreds of peace left behind? That seemed unfair, out of balance. But maybe I'd violated some unknown rule, crossed some line that had condemned me. Maybe it was wrong to be so involved with myths and legends, to turn my back on the human world. Maybe…

No. Nothing would happen to Jacob. I had to believe that or I wouldn't be able to function. I needed him now, and it was strange to me. There was only one person that I was used to needing. And while I had been here needing him, where was he? Off enjoying his distractions - while a sadistic vampire tried to kill me, while I became a zombie for months because I couldn't bear to live without him.

Thinking of Edward hurt as much as I knew it would. But for the first time, it was making me angry, too. I'd really been counting on hearing him today.

'Argh!” I groaned and jumped off the log. I couldn't sit still; it was worse than pacing. Hearing Edward this morning had seemed like the one thing that might make living through the day bearable. If Jake didn't wake up soon, I might do something truly stupid. Storm or not, he had promised me cliff-diving today…

The waves picked up as I paced, beginning to crash against the rocks; but there was still no wind. I felt pinned down by the pressure of the storm. Everything swirled around me, but it was perfectly still where I stood. The air had a faint electric charge – I could feel the static in my hair.

The cliffs were a black knife edge against the livid sky. Farther out, the waves were angrier than they were along the shore. I could see them battering against the line of the cliffs, spraying big white clouds of sea foam into the sky. For a moment, I thought I saw a flash of red, like a flame, far out on the water. There was still no movement in the air, though the clouds roiled more quickly now. It was eerie looking – like the clouds were moving by their own will. I shivered, though I knew it was just a trick of the pressure.

I squinted towards the spot of color on the horizon – was it coming closer? - as the first drops broke through and splattered on my face. Then, as though I had imagined it, the bright spot was no longer visible. The wind blew stronger now, whipping the rain into eddies around me. I was quickly becoming soaked as the blowing rain tossed my hair and drenched my clothes.

Staring out towards the cliffs, I remembered the day Jacob had told me about Sam and his “gang”. I thought of the boys – the werewolves – throwing themselves into the empty air. The image of the falling, spiraling figures was still vivid in my mind. I imagined the utter freedom of the fall....I imagined the way Edward's voice would have sounded in my head – furious, velvet, perfect.....The burning in my chest flared agonizingly. Not only had I lost the real thing, but now even my hallucinations had abandoned me. 

The realization stabbed deep. I turned and started jogging back up to the road towards Billy's house. Cliff diving would be suicide in this weather, But maybe the storm had woken Jacob. I needed a distraction.


	2. Chapter 2

I was only a few steps up the road before I ran into Jacob and Sam.

“I thought you were sleeping!” I blurted out. Then I processed their expressions. Both Sam and Jake looked distinctly worried, and Sam's voice sounded tight as he spoke:

“Embry, Jared, and Paul crossed a fresh trail early this morning. We took off to help. You got her?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, get back to the hospital. I'll join you later. Thanks, Sam.” Jacob answered, and he was gone. I turned to Jake.

“Did you....catch _her_?” I shuddered, though I wasn't so cold here, right next to his ridiculous body heat.

Jacob shook his head. He was more running than walking as we headed up the road to his house.

“She took off into the water. That's why we were looking for you. You spend so much time on the beach....” His voice trailed off, and I understood just how precarious my situation had been. I remembered the red flash I had seen in the water, and I shuddered again. We couldn't get back to the house fast enough.

When we emerged out of the woods onto the Blacks' property. Another thought occurred to me. I was out of breath from running to keep up with Jake, but I caught up to him just as he pushed open the front door.

“Wait a second. Did you say _hospital_?” I asked, looking around the living room nervously. Jacob's father was nowhere in sight. As his diabetes kept him wheelchair bound, he was dependent on Jake to drive him places. I couldn't remember ever having been in Billy's house without him there.

Jake looked at me and registered my expression immediately. “No, Bella. My dad's okay. Everyone's just down at the hospital because Harry Clearwater had a heart attack.”

“Is he all right?” I asked, somewhat relieved. Not only was Billy Jake's father, but he was my father, Charlie's best friend. Of course, Harry was his friend as well. Either way, this was a bad thing.

“He's gone. Bella.” Jacob pushed forward into his tiny bedroom. I followed tentatively as he rummaged in the closet. As he searched, his muffled words came to me over his broad shoulder. As I grasped what Jake was telling me, I sank onto his narrow, too-small bed and shuddered.

While Harry had been dying I had been considering _jumping off a cliff. On my own. In a storm._ How could I have been so stupid? What if I had needed rescuing? Harry's death was going to affect everyone we knew, and I had come so close to making the entire situation worse. No one needed to be worried about me right now.

My depression had been making me selfish. Maybe it was time I did something about that. Even the motorcycles now seemed like a horrible idea. What if something had happened to me? What would that do to Charlie? Harry's heart attack had pushed everything suddenly into perspective for me. Perspective that I didn't want to see, because – if I admitted to the truth of it – it would mean that I would have to change my ways. Could I live like that?

Maybe. It wouldn't be easy; in fact it would be downright miserable to give up my hallucinations and try to be a grown-up. But maybe I should do it. And maybe I could, if I had Jacob.

I couldn't make that decision right now. It hurt too much. I'd think about something else.

As I stared off into space, biting my lip and thinking how differently the day's events could have gone, a soft pile of cotton hit me in the face, snapping me out of my trance. I looked down at the enormous sweats and t-shirt that Jake had thrown me.

“Yeah, I know, but at least they're dry. Come on, Bella. You're soaked. What were you doing out there anyway? It's about to really start coming down.” He didn't look at me, but continued to rummage around in the closet. I couldn't tell if he was trying to give me some privacy so I could change, or if he was afraid to meet my eyes because he knew exactly what I had been doing at the cliff's edge. While I suspected it was the latter, I understood we were in a hurry, and I started to peel off my wet things. 

He was right, I was soaking. As I pulled off my sodden shirt I could hear drops of water splattering across the room, flung from the soggy fabric. I had my shirt over my head when suddenly, Jake turned around.

“Just tell me you weren't thinking about jumping, Bella. Tell me you're not that dumb.” The look on his face was....familiar somehow. His black eyes were burning and his forehead crinkled ever so slightly. His full mouth was set in a hard line. He looked so..... _serious._ In that moment, Jacob looked both completely unlike himself and totally focused on making sense of me. Usually, he didn't have to. He understood me better than anyone. He stared at me in silence, waiting for my answer, brow furrowed; and in that moment, he reminded me....somehow....of Edward.

It was then that I started to cry. The dam broke, and suddenly tears were streaming down my face. I hadn't really cried in all these months. I'd been too numb. As soon as he realized it, his expression changed completely, and Jacob's whole face softened. It was too late. I was sobbing brokenly now, hiccuping. If I didn't stop soon, I feared I never would.

Jake crossed the room in one stride and then his arms were around me. I buried my face in his chest and let go of everything I had been holding in for months. I cried and cried and the release of it felt good, as did his strong arms; which were, for all intents and purposes, holding me up. If he hadn't held me, I probably would have fallen.

Gradually, as my tears were spent and the crying jag tapered off, I started to notice things. Like how quiet it was in the house, despite the storm raging outside, and how hot his damp skin felt on mine. That was when I remembered that I wasn't wearing a shirt, but rather standing there in damp jeans and a wet cotton bra that didn't cover nearly enough.

I could feel the blush rise in my cheeks as I moved to pull away from him, though he still held me tightly. My head came back and as our eyes locked, I gasped. His expression had once again changed completely. A new intensity suffused all of his features and he looked....hungry. It lasted only a moment, and later I _would_ have sworn I had imagined it, but before I knew what was happening or could react, Jacob was kissing me.

At first, I hesitated, aware that I had not made this decision yet. I clutched at his neck, pulling at his hair; trying to hold him still for a moment so that I could break away, and Jacob misunderstood.

He imagined passion, that I was trying to pull him closer; and his mouth came down hard on mine again as his triumph and joy colored the kiss.

The triumph alone, I could have resisted, but his joyful reaction undid me, and suddenly, I was kissing him back desperately. He had picked me up and my legs had wrapped themselves around him, seemingly of their own volition. As I lost myself in the kiss, I couldn't see or hear or feel anything that wasn't Jacob.

I was so miserable, so lost, so lonely, that I was overcome with the need to feel something, anything else.

I could feel a cold draft from the window on the bare skin of my still-damp back as Jake carried me back to the narrow bed. My hair dripped onto his pillow as he lowered me down and then hovered over me, still kissing me hungrily. The kiss intensified in ways that were new and confusing to me, because I didn't have to be careful with Jake, and he certainly wasn't being careful with me.

He had me pinned against the mattress, holding himself up just enough that I wasn't crushed beneath his bulk, but nevertheless pressing the entire length of his body against mine. I could feel him swelling against me as he grew hard, straining against his denim shorts.

I liked it that he was pressed up against me this way. He was holding me too tightly, but it wasn't tight enough for me somehow. I kissed him harder still, overcome with need and a sudden elation that felt like....power. Somehow I knew that he would give me anything I wanted.

Jake pulled back from me suddenly so that we could see each other clearly. He was beautiful, I had to give it to him. His russet skin glistened with rain or sweat and I was sure I looked wan and sickly by comparison. His brilliant white teeth flashed as he grinned at me, all seriousness gone for a moment, and then he reached out, thick dark fingers ghosting against my skin, and tore my wet bra down the front with one deft move. It wilted and fell away, useless. Embarrassed, blushing, I shrugged it off.

My chest was nothing much, but he didn't seem to mind and as he gazed at me so intently, I could feel my nipples getting hard. His hands came up then, huge; covering me completely and as he began to roll my nipples between his rough fingers, I came unglued.

My brain disconnected from my body and I was tugging impatiently at his shorts, as he lowered himself to kiss me again. My hand found the button fly and ripped it open. I heard myself whimper as if someone else was making the sound. Groping with one hand while the other ran along the muscles of his back, I found what I wanted. When my hand closed around it, he gasped into my mouth. The skin there was silky and even hotter than the rest of him, I marveled at the weight and thickness of him as he unfurled in my hand. I had never felt anything so rigid, yet so seemingly delicate. But my hand was moved away suddenly and as he held them both over my head with one hand, he used the other to peel away and discard my jeans and panties.

As I lay there beneath him, completely naked, I knew there was no going back. I allowed myself to think for one moment of how badly I had wanted this with Edward, but it hurt too much and so I put it out of my mind. Jacob's hand was on me now, in that most secret of places, and I couldn't think anymore as his fingers moved and I first shivered and then bucked under his touch. I came quickly, and before I could catch my breath, he was inside me, and I felt deliciously full and delirious.

It hurt a little, at first; as my body struggled to accept him, to accommodate him. But then he began to move, and I forgot the pain. It didn't matter. Besides, part of me _wanted_ it to hurt; as if pain was the only thing I could make sense of anymore.

At first slowly, gauging my every reaction to make sure he wasn't hurting me, and then faster, with steady, rhythmic strokes, Jacob moved inside me, and now I was clutching at him. He had released my arms and I was clinging to him, loving the size of him beneath my hands and as the pleasure increased, digging my fingers into him in a way that surely would have hurt a normal human. I was powerfully overstimulated.

The only sound in the room was our rough, irregular breathing as we panted, and as he slammed into me again and again I shuddered and flushed. Just when I thought I would explode from feeling too much, his mouth broke from mine and he moaned my name into my ear. I opened my eyes and saw his squinted shut, his neck muscles bunched as he finished, pulled out, and collapsed next to me with a heavy sigh. I looked at the window over the bed, and saw that it was opaque with steam.

My body just wanted to lie here limp, to never move again.

Instead of moving, I thought about Juliet some more, as I had earlier that day. I wondered what she would have done if Romeo had left her, not because he was banished, but because he lost interest? What if Rosalind had given him the time of day, and he'd changed his mind? What if, instead of marrying Juliet, he'd just disappeared?

I thought I knew how Juliet would feel. She wouldn't go back to her old life, not really. She wouldn't ever have moved on, I was sure of that. Even if she'd lived till she was old and gray, every time she closed her eyes it would have been Romeo's face she saw behind her lids. She would have accepted that, eventually.

I wondered if she would have married Paris in the end, just to please her parents, to keep the peace. No, probably not, I decided. But then, the story didn't say much about Paris. He was just a stick figure: a placeholder, a threat. A deadline to force her hand.

What if there were more to Paris?

What if Paris had been Juliet's friend? Her very _best_ friend? What if he was the only one she could confide in about the whole devastating thing with Romeo? The one person who really understood her and made her feel halfway human again? What if he was patient and kind? What if he took care of her? What if Juliet knew she couldn't survive without him? What if he really loved her, and wanted her to be happy?

And......what if she loved Paris? Not like Romeo. Nothing like that, of course. But enough that she wanted him to be happy, too?

Jacob's slow, deep breathing was the only sound in the room – like a lullaby hummed to a child, like the ticking of an old clock when you had nowhere you needed to go.....It was the sound of comfort. I snuggled in closer to him.

If Romeo was really gone, never coming back, would it have mattered whether or not Juliet had taken Paris up on his offer? Maybe she should have tried to settle into the leftover scraps of life that were left behind. Maybe that would have been as close to happiness as she could get.

I sighed. I was reading too much into the story. Romeo wouldn't change his mind. That's why people still remembered his name, always entwined with hers; Romeo and Juliet. That's why it was a good story. “Juliet gets dumped and ends up with Paris” would never have been a hit.

Just as I was coming to this conclusion, I was startled by a knock at the window.


	3. Visitor

Jake was up off the bed almost immediately. I hurriedly began getting dressed in his too-large clothes as he swore under his breath.

“Who is it?” I asked him as I pulled on the heavy gray sweats. Even with the cord cinched as tight as possible, I had to fold the waistband over several times. The t-shirt hung from my frame and threatened to slip off of one shoulder. Jacob was buttoning his shorts and didn't have time to answer when, without knocking, Paul burst into the room.

I cringed. Of all the people that could have arrived at this moment, Paul would have been possibly my last choice. Jacob's pack brother relished giving him a hard time, and though he usually didn't have much to say to me, I was unlikely to forget his turning into a giant wolf and attacking me on our first meeting.

Paul didn't waste any time. He laid into Jacob immediately.

“Sam sent me to tell you to hurry the hell up. They need you at the hospital.” he said, as he glanced around the room....and at me. I blushed, and wondered if he could tell what had just happened from the damp pillow, my mussed and half-dry hair, and the steam fogging the window, which was only just beginning to dissipate. He smirked at me then, looking somehow both irritated and amused, and I was sure that he could.

“Did something else happen?” Jake asked, concern furrowing his brow.

“You don't know the half of it. He went to the hospital to check on the Clearwaters, and Leah freaked out on him. I know her dad just died, but man; that girl is such a....well anyway, there's more to it, but she ran off and Sam had to go after her and he wants us....available. In case there's a situation.”

That last word he emphasized, and while I didn't understand his meaning, Jacob seemed to. He nodded and moved for the door.

“I'll take Bella home, and then i'll meet you guys in the woods. We'll find her.” he said.

Paul answered quickly “No need. Sam wants you at the hospital, making sure everyone there is okay. And your dad's gonna need a ride back. Who knows how long that chick will make us run...” At this, he turned to leave, but not without one last comment, which he made over his shoulder; leering.”By the way man, you might wanna open that window a crack. Smells like sex in here.” He cackled and was gone.

I stood there frozen for a moment. I'm sure I looked a bit shell-shocked. But Jake only smiled at me and kissed my forehead above the right temple. He gave me a tiny push to guide me out the door and said “Come on, Bells. We gotta go.” His hand lingered for just a moment above my backside. As we came out of the front door. I saw a flash of gray far off in the woods that must have been Paul, and then it was gone, and we were headed for the hospital.

Forks General Hospital was in keeping with the proportions of the tiny town. It was so small that I knew there would be no way we could see Sue Clearwater and her son Seth. They would be in the room with Harry, and there was no space for any more than three visitors at a time. This was a relief to me. The small amount of time I had spent in this hospital was full of memories of Edward and his father, Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I was dreading going inside. I only hoped that Charlie was already there. He and Billy Black had been Harry's best friends, and if anyone could give the Clearwaters some comfort, it was them.

I wondered what kind of “situation” the wolfpack was expecting to have with Leah Clearwater. I knew her only as a beautiful girl with a strong personality and a history with Sam, the pack leader. They had been together for years, until the day Sam had met and imprinted on her cousin, Emily. These days, it seemed their relationship was....strained. Nevertheless, it appeared to be Sam's personal problem more than it did a pack issue. The whole thing was weird.

Imprinting, for that matter, was a disconcerting idea, and the “wolf thing” that I had the hardest time accepting. The idea of a love that you had no choice in, a connection that focused all your will, was one that hit a little too close to home. Why try to write it off as werewolf magic? When did anyone ever have control over who or how much they loved? At this, the ache in my chest throbbed. It was a little better, yes. But not gone. Not by a long shot.

I wondered if Jacob had imprinted on me, but I wasn't sure I wanted to know one way or the other. Knowing might change how I felt about it, and our relationship had changed so much already, in just the last hour. I didn't know if I was ready for any more.

As we pulled up in front of the hospital, Billy was waiting for us out front. His heavy face was lined with sadness and he looked years older than he had that morning. He sat slumped in his wheelchair looking dejected.

I stopped the truck and got out, going to him immediately. “Oh, Billy!” I moaned.

He nodded slowly, his expression hard with grief. Jake hurried to his father and took one of his hands. The pain made his face suddenly childlike – it looked odd on top of the man's body.

“I'm so sorry,” I whispered.

Billy nodded. “It's gonna be hard all around.”

“Where's Charlie?”

“Your dad's still in there with Sue. There are a lot of...arrangements to be made. He said to tell you he'd be home in a few hours.”

I nodded and helped Billy into the truck while Jake loaded the wheelchair into the back. As I held the door and offered Billy my arm, I glanced around the parking lot. Not far away, behind the space where Billy's chair had been, lay a single tennis shoe. It was a woman's shoe, a smallish size. Despite the fact that it was laying discarded on the ground, it looked clean, and almost new. But it was torn in the strangest way....

Billy cleared his throat loudly, and I remembered what I was doing. Once he was settled on the passenger side, I handed the keys off to Jacob and squeezed into the middle of the cab.  
The ride back to the Blacks' house was quiet. Only once did Billy break the silence, when he asked “So what have you two been up to? Sam was starting to wonder what was keeping you.”

An awkward moment ensued. I mumbled, “Nothing.” and folded my arms. Jacob didn't say anything, but in my peripheral vision, I could see him grinning. I snuck a glance at Billy, who had never moved but was still staring listlessly out the window. I thought I saw his eyebrow twitch.

"Mmph.” He made a little noise that was nearly a snort, but he dropped the subject and didn't say another word until he was home.

When we pulled into the Blacks' driveway, the rain was coming down in sheets again and nothing much was visible through the storm. Jake hopped out of the car, saying “Wait here.”

It didn't take him long to get his father comfortably situated in the house, and then he was back. Jacob took the driver's seat again without asking, and when the cold air from outside made me shiver, he pulled me close to his side to keep his arm tight around me. I leaned my head against his chest.

“How will you get home?” I asked.

“I'm not going home. We still haven't caught the bloodsucker, remember?”

My next shudder had nothing to do with cold.  
What was the right thing to do? I couldn't imagine my life without Jacob now – I cringed away from the idea of even trying. Somehow, he'd become essential to my survival.

I had to tell him everything, I knew that. It was the only way to be fair. I'd have to explain it right, so that he'd know I wasn't settling, that he was much too good for me. He already knew that I was broken - that part wouldn't surprise him. But he'd need to know the extent of it. I'd even have to admit that I was crazy; explain about the voices I heard. He'd need to know everything before he made a decision.

But, even as I recognized that necessity, I knew he would take me in spite of it all. He wouldn't even pause to think it through.

I would have to commit to this: commit as much of me as there was left, every one of the broken pieces. It was the only way to be fair to him.

Would it be so wrong to try to make Jacob happy? Even if the love I felt for him was no more than a weak echo of what I was capable of, even if my heart was far away, wandering and grieving after my fickle Romeo; was it so very wrong?

Jacob stopped the truck in front of my dark house, cutting the engine so it was suddenly silent. Like so many other times, he seemed to be in tune with my thoughts now.

He threw his other arm around me, crushing me against his chest, binding me to him. Again, this felt nice. Almost like being a whole person.  
I thought he would be thinking of Harry, but then he spoke, and his tone was apologetic. “I know you don't feel exactly the same way I do, Bells. I swear I don't mind. It's just....I know things happened kinda fast back there, and I hope...you're not....sorry. Because _I'm_ not.” He laughed his throaty laugh in my ear.

My breathing kicked up a notch.

Wouldn't Edward, indifferent as he might be, want me to be as happy as was possible under the circumstances? Wouldn't enough friendly emotion linger for him to want that much for me? I thought he would. He wouldn't begrudge me this: giving just a small bit of the love he didn't want to my friend Jacob. After all, it wasn't the same love at all.

Jake pressed his warm cheek against the top of my hair. If I gave him any sign, I knew what would follow. It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanations tonight.

And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Edward's velvet voice whispered in my ear.

“Be happy,” He told me.

And so I betrayed my absent heart to save my pathetic life. I turned my face to the side, and pressed my lips against Jacob's bare shoulder.

He pulled me out of the car and into the rain, which was thinning, and he was kissing me again. Jake lifted me off of my feet; and as he lifted me and carried me into the house, I opened my eyes and for just one moment, I thought I saw Edward.

In the woods at a far distance: no more than a white spot against the darkness of the forest. A stricken and unimaginably beautiful face. Then the hallucination vanished in an instant, as though it had never been there, and Jacob carried me upstairs to my room.


	4. Funeral

By the time Jacob left out of my bedroom window some time later, I was physically and emotionally exhausted; but there was no time to relax. I had plenty to do to keep busy until Charlie got home.

A shower was definitely first on the agenda. I washed up, marveling at the fact that, though I was very sore in certain places, it was not altogether unpleasant.

When I was clean, I went down to the kitchen. I couldn't see any signs that Charlie had eaten recently, and he would probably be hungry when he got back. I hummed tunelessly to myself as I moved around the kitchen, reheating Thursday's casserole.

I hurried through my dinner, not tasting it, and a few seconds later I heard the cruiser pull into the driveway. I jumped up and hurried to open the door.

Charlie trudged slowly up the walk, his eyes on the ground and his shoulders slumped. I walked forward to meet him; he didn't even see me until I hugged him around the waist. He embraced me back fiercely.

“I'm so sorry about Harry, Dad.”

“I'm really going to miss him,” Charlie mumbled.

“How's Sue doing?”

“She seems dazed, like she hasn't grasped it yet. Sam's staying with her.....” The volume of his voice faded in and out. “Those poor kids. Leah's just a year older than you, and Seth is only fourteen....” He shook his head.

“There's dinner for you on the table, Dad,” I told him.

“Thanks, Bell.” He gave me one more squeeze before he shuffled toward the kitchen. I turned, and went upstairs to bed, where I fell asleep almost instantly.

I dreamed of Edward. A breeze from the open window ruffled my hair and I thought I woke to see him standing across the room, just watching me. Still as a statue, as cold and white as marble, his beautiful features seemed full of pain and resignation. He crossed the room silently, and bent to touch his cool lips to my forehead. I breathed in the scent of him, and it broke my heart all over again. And then he was gone, and I was alone. I woke in the dead of night, screaming.

Charlie was almost a stranger when he came down the stairs before the sun was up, wearing an old suit I'd never seen him in before. The jacket hung open; I guessed it was too tight to fasten the buttons. His tie was a bit wide for the current style. I was already dressed in the closest thing I had to funeral-appropriate attire: dark gray dress slacks bought for me by Alice Cullen but never worn, and a soft navy blue sweater.

After the dream, I hadn't been able to sleep. I'd been up for hours already; cleaning, doing laundry...anything to keep busy. Now all the chores were done and I was sitting on the couch, staring past the T.V., and biting my lip, waiting for Charlie to come downstairs.

He looked up and registered my appearance. I probably looked frantic.

“You look a little keyed up, Bells,” he said.

I nodded, gulped; didn't say anything. The lines of my father's face rearranged themselves into the picture of sympathy, and he came towards me and gave me a hug. “Don't worry, kid. Your old man isn't going anywhere. Healthy as a horse, that's me.”

I felt a guilty twinge. I was worrying about all the wrong things. I squeezed Charlie back, and we left for the funeral.

Harry Clearwater was being buried out of the old Shaker church in LaPush. It was a small building, sparsely decorated; with a simple beauty.

As, one by one, Harry's friends and family went to the front of the church to talk about his good-naturedness, his sense of humor, and his fantastic fish fry recipe, (which was a local favorite passed between friends like a treasure only reluctantly shared); I looked around at the congregation.

Sue, Leah and Seth were directly in front of us. Sue looked grave, and Leah seemed to be helping to support her weight. Both women's faces were drawn, but Leah's mouth was set in a hard line that made her look angry. Seth just looked like a lost little boy. My heart went out to him. On Leah's other side were Sam and his fiancee, Emily. When little Seth went up last to say a few words about his father, a strangled sob came from Leah, and I watched as Sam put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her. She shrugged it off roughly and excused herself, pushing past her weeping mother and out of the church.

Harry was buried in the LaPush cemetery as the sun rose. The sky above the forest was pink and orange and scudded with thin golden clouds. It was beautiful, and as we left the graveside and walked to the nearby gymnasium (where a post-funeral pancake breakfast was being held in Harry's honor), I found myself wishing Jacob was there to share it with me.

As if he could read my mind, just then he ambled up alongside me.

“Hey, loca.”

“Oh! Jake, hi!” I threw my arms around his neck. “Where did you come from?”

“Embry, Jared, Paul and I were staying by the door in case we had to, uh...go real quick.”

“So you didn't catch Victoria.” It wasn't a question.

“Nope,” a frustrated sigh escaped him. “I don't know how she's doing it.  
Every time we get close it seems like a sure thing, and then...I don't know, she just...gets away. I feel like we're missing something.”

I must have looked worried, because he added quickly, “Don't worry, Bella. You're safe. I won't let her get near you.”

He looked so earnest, so confident in his ability to keep me from danger. How could I tell him that it wasn't myself that I was terrified for? How could I tell him any of the things that I was thinking? I settled for changing the subject.

“Did you see Leah walk out?”

“How could I miss her? She practically bit my face off.”

“Is she okay?” I felt like someone should do something for her, but frankly, Leah intimidated me.

Jacob barked a laugh. “She can take care of herself. Don't worry about her.”

I looked at him questioningly, but just then we passed her outside the gym. Leah and Sam were having an intense whispered conversation, which broke off abruptly as Jake and I passed. Leah glared at us. Jake didn't say any more until we were well away.

“The pack has a new member, apparently. She's not taking it very gracefully.”

“What? Leah's a werewolf?” I was shocked. Supposedly the Quileute werewolf gene was passed down to only the sons of the tribe. If Leah was a member of the pack now, how many of the other legends were they wrong about?

“Tell you the rest later,” Jacob whispered. We were in line for pancakes, and his pack brothers were all fast approaching.

As we settled down to eat, I looked around the room and marvelled. Though it was a sad occasion and people were obviously grieving, the conversation flowed naturally, and the air was peppered with laughter.

“You gonna eat that?” someone called. Pancakes flew down the table as someone else's reply. Old Quil Aterea mumbled to Seth Clearwater in a low voice and he listened, fixated to the frail and seemingly ancient man's quiet words. Charlie patted Sue's back soothingly and when our eyes met, he smiled sadly. He was happy here, no matter how he felt right now. I turned to Jacob, and he radiated happiness. This was his family. I was surrounded by a community, and I felt a part of it. I saw my life mixed into a strange collage with the people of LaPush, and I thought, “I could get used to this.”


	5. Chase Me Long Enough, You Might Get Caught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's the first chapter from Jake's POV. Expect some overlap in the timeline as it switches back and forth and I try to render both characters' interior monologues for certain scenes. Chapter titles will clue you in to whose perspective a given chapter is from - Bella's have short names, Jacob's don't.

We were tearing through the woods in hot pursuit. The bloodsucker was fast, but we were gaining on her. I nipped at her heels, and her stink burned my nostrils and made every piece of my fur stand on end. 

We crashed through the undergrowth at full speed, and I felt my skin tear as a sharp branch or thorny bush caught me. Good thing werewolves heal fast, because it wasn't going to stop me. It wouldn't even come close. I was planning to kill this bitch in the very near future, and it was going to take more than some shrubbery to hold me off.

Sam's deep voice broke the silence in my head.

_Okay, guys. Good. You've got her right where we want her. Jared and I will wait in the copse by the north cliff. Just herd her this way._

I knew just the place he meant. There were two cliffs that hung over the coastline above LaPush beach – the south one was more easily accessible and lower, and we used it frequently for recreational cliff-diving. 

The north cliff where Sam and Jared waited was overgrown enough to be nearly inaccessible to normal humans and steep enough that no one would ever think of jumping from it, unless they were suicidal.

Not that there was much danger of running into anyone else out here today – it was about to storm. High winds were gusting through my fur as I ran, and the first drops were already starting to break through. The sky was the color of slate and there was an electric crackle in the air. 

The animal in me wanted nothing more than to bunker down somewhere dry and wait for it to pass. The man in me didn't care. He just wanted this chick dead.

I didn't relish the idea of killing a girl; not even a vampire girl (which barely counted), but this one was hell-bent on destroying everything I was working so hard to protect and there was no room for mercy in me.

A rippling growl escaped me as I sped after her and Embry and Paul fanned out on either side of me to cut off any alternate escape routes. We pounded through the woods after her, our paws thudding heavily on the soft ground. I could hear Paul snarling to my left.

We were nearly to the cliffs now, but I could sense that something was wrong. Jared's mind was frantic, confused. The brambles were so dense in the thicket where he was hiding that he was caught, and I could tell instantly that he wouldn't be able to get loose in time to catch the redhead, who was so close to the coastline now that I was sure she could taste freedom.

Sam sprang from a hidden place behind a thick growth of young trees then, and he would have had her – but some infallible instinct made the vampire leap high into the air, treading it like water, and he missed completely as she soared out over the cliff's edge and into the dark water in a graceful swan dive.

I followed to the lip of the cliff, watching her descent into the rough waves as first Sam, then the others, phased behind me; cursing.  
Someone approached from behind me, and clapped me on the back. It was Embry. “It's cool, Jake – don't worry. We'll get her next time....” he said, but his words trailed off. I must've been glaring at him. I turned away from the cliff and went back towards the others, phasing quickly and pausing only for a moment to untie my shorts from my leg and put them on.

“So what now?” I asked Sam, unable to keep the challenge out of my voice. It didn't matter though, because Embry interrupted me.

“Hey Jake!” he shouted, not moving from his perch at the cliffs' edge. “I can see your house from here, man! Is that Bella's truck out front?”

“What are you talking about?” I lashed out before I could stop myself. I was so angry we hadn't caught the vamp that it was spilling over at my friends. I needed to cool it. I walked back to where Embry stood.

“Check it out, dude,” he said, and pointed down the jagged coastline until I saw what he did.

Though it wasn't very near the shore, my house was situated in a little open valley surrounded by woods. There was a creek that ran through the property, and a trail that branched off into two – one led down to the beach, the other to the south cliff. The trees were cleared just enough for us to be able to see the front yard and the porch, and yes; Bella Swan's truck was definitely parked in the drive.

“Shit!” I swore, and stormed back down to where Sam, Jared and Paul were looking at me anxiously. They didn't need to be told what this meant. Bella was in the habit of showing up at my house randomly and if I wasn't in, she almost always went down to the beach to wait. With Victoria in the water so nearby, if she was down there; she was in trouble.

We started back the way we had come, running through the forest as fast as our human bodies could take us. We couldn't stay wolves because there were people further down the hill.

As we had tracked Victoria, we had come upon them. A hunting party led by Bella's dad, Charlie Swan; the chief of police. In theory, they were hunting for us, because the recent attacks on hikers in the area were being blamed on the big wolves that had been sighted by a few people who didn't understand what they were seeing. In reality, the killer they were looking for was the vampire we were chasing all over the county, but it wasn't exactly like we could tell them. It was just funny because half of them already knew, anyway.

Harry Clearwater had been with them earlier. He was buddies with Charlie and my Dad, which I'm sure was how he'd been dragged into this, but he was also one of the elders of the tribe. He knew all about what was really happening and was helping to keep the secret from the “civilians”. Matter of fact, Sam didn't make any serious moves without consulting him, Billy, and old Quil Aterea.

When we had caught up to Victoria, she had been about to break Harry's neck. He must have seen her and called out or something. I had tackled her and she had let him go and run off. We followed too fast to know what was happening behind us, but as we came towards them now, I saw a stretcher crew carrying someone away and Charlie was pacing, talking in a low voice on his police-issue walkie talkie.  
Charlie finished his conversation as we approached and hooked the walkie-talkie to his gunbelt. I wasn't used to seeing him look so upset.

“Hey, Sam. Jake. Guys.” he nodded to each of us in turn.

“Charlie, what happened? Is everyone all right?” Sam asked him. He shook his head and gruffly cleared his throat.

“Harry had a heart attack, I think. They're taking him to the hospital. Not that it'll do any good now....” so Harry was dead. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what.

“Anything we can do?” I asked

“Nah, thanks. I'm gonna go down there now and stay with Sue. She's on her way.” He trudged after the stretcher and the other guys in the group and Sam and I exchanged looks.

“Bella.” we said in unison, and I bolted for the trail. Sam followed, but not before calling to the others.

“I need you three to run the coastline. Make sure she hasn't come ashore, and if you find a fresh trail, call us. I'll help Jacob make sure Bella's okay, and then I'm going to the hospital. The Clearwaters might need me.”  
Embry, Paul and Jared phased and ran off in the opposite direction.

We had just gotten to the place where the trail split and branched off when we found her, soaking wet and obviously coming from the south cliff. I sighed with relief when I saw she was safe, but then it hit me. What had she been doing up there?

“I thought you were sleeping!”

Sam answered her before I could: “Embry, Jared, and Paul crossed a fresh trail early this morning. We took off to help. You got her?”

“Yeah, get back to the hospital. I'll join you later. Thanks, Sam.” He cleared out in a hurry. Whatever things were like between him and Leah now, he still cared about her.

“Did you....catch _her_?” Bella asked. She shuddered and looked terrified. I shook my head and made for the house, saying “She took off into the water. That's why we were looking for you. You spend so much time on the beach....” as she stumbled along behind me, trying to keep up. I slowed my pace and she caught up to me on the porch.

“Wait a second. Did you say hospital?” She looked around my living room nervously, and I realized what she was thinking. Billy wasn't here. Charlie must have picked him up on the way to the hospital.

“No, Bella. My dad's okay. Everyone's just down at the hospital because Harry Clearwater had a heart attack.”

“Is he all right?”

“He's gone. Bella.” I pushed forward to my room. I was getting angry again, just a little. I was thinking something I didn't want to think. I dug in the closet, looking for something dry she could wear, but also so that she wouldn't see my face. I found some clean sweats and a tshirt. They were way too big for her, but I tossed them in her direction anyway. Before she could say anything, I did. I tried hard to keep the tension out of my voice, but who knows if I managed it.

“Yeah, I know, but at least they're dry. Come on, Bella. You're soaked. What were you doing out there anyway? It's about to really start coming down.”

She didn't answer for a long time. Too long. I turned to look at her.

“Just tell me you weren't thinking about jumping, Bella. Tell me you're not that dumb.”

I realized two things at once – first, that her shirt was off. Bella was standing by my bed, holding her dripping shirt in her hands. She was wearing a nothing of a white cotton bra: it was a little dingy and completely see-through. The second thing I noticed was that she was crying.

_Great, way to go tiger_. I cursed myself. Leave it to me to make a girl cry the second she takes her top off. _Nice game, stud._

I went to her and hugged her. I couldn't stand it when she cried. She hardly ever did, no matter how unhappy she was. Sometimes I thought I'd never be able to understand just how deep her depression was, but I'd do anything to make it better. I just held her for a while and let her cry it out against me. Her skin against mine was soft, a little damp; and smelled amazing. It was so pale I could almost see through it. She seemed so delicate. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to stake a claim.

She must have sensed something. She pulled back a little to look at me and when she did, she blushed and let out a little gasp. And then I kissed her – some instinct told me to. She hesitated for one second, then kissed back hard, digging her fingers into my neck, pulling my hair.

I was pleasantly surprised. Who am I kidding? I was so happy. She was everything I wanted. I picked her up and she wrapped her legs around me. Was this really happening?

I carried Bella to the bed and lay her down on it. We just lay there for a long time and made out. I didn't have a whole lot to compare with, but she was a really good kisser. Didn't want to think about how she had come by that skill. So I sat up and looked at her – her eyes were glassy and she was biting her lip. Her little eyebrows pulled together.

I couldn't help myself. I chuckled. I reached out with one finger and snapped her sorry little bra down the front. It was time for a new one anyway.

She blushed so hard at that. I loved it. I wanted to make her do it again.

I started to run my hands over her chest, playing with her nipples. They were so hard; hell, I was so hard. I bent to kiss her again, and then she was touching me. She had my fly open and my dick out in no time, and when her hand closed around me, I thought it was all over. I nearly came right then. I gritted my teeth and moved her hand away fast, before she could ruin everything. Using my right hand to hold both hers above her head, I pulled off her jeans and panties.

Having her arms up like that stretched Bella's whole torso taut and I could see her ribs. She had always been skinny, but _damn!_ I got mad all over again. Wasn't she _eating_? I was working so hard to save her, to keep her safe, and she couldn't even bring herself to care enough to _feed herself _. Even if she truly didn't care about herself, couldn't she at least try, for me? Couldn't she see how much I loved her?__

____

I did my best to show her. I moved my fingers in her until she trembled in my hand, panting and blushing again. She was so beautiful. Slowly, I pushed inside her. She moaned a little as I felt her body resist me, and then give way.

____

I had assumed that Bella wasn't much more experienced than I was – after all, her only previous boyfriend had been not only dead, but more than likely to have crushed her like a bag of chips had they attempted this. But I hadn't really known. Now that I did, I felt something that was part pride and part gratitude.

____

I started slow; I didn't want to hurt her and she seemed so breakable sometimes, but it wasn't long before we were going at it hard and fast and she was digging her fingers into my back. It didn't matter, she couldn't leave a mark on me. Even if she did, I'd wear it happily. When I came, I moaned her name.

____

Then Paul showed up.

____


	6. I Wasn't Out For Revenge, But I'll Take It. I'll Take Whatever I Can Get.

We barely had time to get dressed before he burst into the room.

“Sam sent me to tell you to hurry the hell up. They need you at the hospital.” he said.

This couldn't be good. “Did something else happen?” I asked, dreading the answer.

“You don't know the half of it. He went to the hospital to check on the Clearwaters, and Leah freaked out on him. I know her dad just died, but man; that girl is such a....well anyway, there's more to it, but she ran off and Sam had to go after her and he wants us....available. In case there's a _situation_.”

He wasn't just coming out and saying it, but I was pretty sure I knew what he meant. So Leah Clearwater was a wolf now. That should be interesting. And we had thought it was strictly a guy thing. Weird.

“I'll take Bella home, and then I'll meet you guys in the woods. We'll find her.” I told him.

“No need. Sam wants you at the hospital, making sure everyone there is okay. And your dad's gonna need a ride back. Who knows how long that chick will make us run...” He turned to leave, but he just couldn't resist making one last comment.

”By the way man, you might wanna open that window a crack. Smells like sex in here.” And he was gone.

Bella looked skittish and shocked. I laughed and kissed her forehead.

“Come on, Bells. We gotta go.” I said, and I gave her a little push out the door. I almost gave her ass a little slap, but I didn't know how she'd react, so I resisted the urge.

When we got to the hospital, my Dad was out front, waiting for us. He looked older, more tired than I'd ever seen him. I hated seeing him like this. We took him home and on the way he asked what we'd been doing. Bella mumbled “Nothing,” under her breath in the least convincing way ever and folded her arms awkwardly. She was such a bad liar.

We pulled into the drive in the pouring rain and Bella stayed in the car while I wrestled my father and his wheelchair along the muddy drive and up the front steps. When we were inside, he laid a hand on my arm.

“Be careful with that girl, Son,” he said. “I love the kid and all but I don't think she's good for you. I don't wanna see you get hurt, Jake.....I... I just don't really think she's all that....stable.”

“I worry about her too, Dad.” I left it at that and excused myself as Billy went to the fridge and cracked a Ranier.

I drove Bella's truck home to her house and she snuggled up to me on the ride there.

“How will you get home?” she asked.

“I'm not going home. We still haven't caught the bloodsucker, remember?” she shivered and I held her a little tighter.

When we were parked in her dark driveway, I came out and said what I was thinking. Why the hell not?

“I know you don't feel exactly the same way I do, Bells. I swear I don't mind. It's just....I know things happened kinda fast back there, and I hope...you're not....sorry. Because I'm not.” I chuckled. I held her tight and pressed my cheek against her hair.

Bella did something then that I would never have expected. She turned her head slightly and pressed her soft lips to my bare shoulder. I had the door open right away, ready to take her upstairs.

And then – I smelled him. Every muscle in my body wanted to tense, every hair stood on end. I wanted to growl. I wanted to phase right then. Somehow I knew that there was only one thing I could do. I fought all of my natural reactions and acted as though everything was fine, when it wasn't.   
Because I recognized the scent that was burning my nostrils. It was Edward Cullen.

I didn't know if he could see us, but I did know one thing. She couldn't know that he was there. I knew that part of her still loved him and that if he wanted her back, there was a chance I could lose her. But what if he was going away again? I didn't know what it would do to her to see him now. And as much as I would love to kill him for what he did to her, I knew that it would only hurt her worse if I did.

So I used the only weapons I had against him. I pulled Bella out of the truck and into my arms, and as I kissed her in the rain, I remembered. She had told me once that he could read minds. Well, I'd give him a nice show for both sets of vision.

I remembered the long months after he'd left – the time we had dropped by the Swans' place and had seen her just sitting at an upstairs window like a zombie, staring blankly. Charlie had told us that she almost never moved unless she had to. 

I thought of how sick and lifeless she had looked on the first day she had shown up at my house. Of how whenever something made her think of him, she wrapped her arms around herself like she was protecting a wound. I thought of how frail her naked body had been under mine an hour ago. I thought of anything and everything I could to hurt him.

He didn't move out of the deep shadows, even when I picked her up again and carried her upstairs. He never moved to stop us, and Bella never noticed that he was there.

When I left an hour later, he was gone. But only just. The trail was fresh.


	7. Being Undead Means Not Knowing When To Give Up The Ghost.

I should have been tracking the redhead, I knew that much. But I couldn't help myself. I followed Cullen's trail through the woods behind Bella's house.

I didn't have to go far at all. There was a small clearing not far away and the bloodsucker was waiting for me there. He'd known I would follow him. He didn't move. Not even a blink. It was creepy.

I stood on the opposite side of the clearing, struggling to push back the anger that had been rolling over me in waves all day. I shuddered. Phasing now would make avoiding a fight impossible. It was no way to find out what I needed to know.

“What are you doing here?”

“Firstly, Jacob; I'd like to thank you for taking care of Bella when I wasn't here to do it.”

“I didn't do it for your benefit.” I snapped. He continued calmly.

“I know you didn't. But that doesn't lessen the gratitude I feel.”

“What are you doing here?” My voice was strained. I wanted to kill him. _Keep it together, kid._

“I just....I just wanted to see her. To make certain she was all right,” he paused as if there was more he wasn't sure he wanted to tell me.

“It's not really your problem anymore, leech; so you can go on back to wherever you've been all this time.”

“That's just it, Jacob,” he went on smoothly. “I'm not leaving again. I can't. Even if I hadn't caught Victoria's scent in the area, I don't have the strength to stay away from Bella any longer. I know it may be hard for you to accept this, but I still love her. I always will.”

“You've got a funny fucking way of showing it.” I didn't have it in me to be polite to him. It was infuriating; the calm measured way he spoke to me, like I was a little kid that he was trying to steer away from a tantrum.

“I'm sorry. I don't want to be that way,” he answered my thought, and then continued:

”It was for her own good that I left. I know that she deserves better than what I can give her. I had to give her a chance at a normal life.”

The bloodsucker's eyebrows knitted together. He looked like he was in pain. I was glad. I was also a little uncomfortable, because he looked at me like he was pleading with me to understand.

“I had no idea what my leaving would do to her. I had hoped that she would forget me. Move on.”

“She would. She _is_ ,” I corrected myself. “I'm working on it. I've got a plan.

“It seems to be working.” He smiled a little, bitterly.

“She can't know you're here,” I blurted out. “It would upset her. Just give me some time. I know she can be happy again.” Cullen nodded slowly, but didn't say anything. Finally, after a long pause, he spoke.

“The things you were thinking of back there. Was it really as bad as all that?” He asked it like he was afraid of what my answer would be.

“Charlie almost put her in an institution.” I said it bluntly as I stared him down hard.

He whispered under his breath, but I could hear it. “I'll never forgive myself. I can't ever fail her again.”

I rolled my eyes. “Haven't you done enough damage? Just leave her alone. She doesn't need you.”

“She may, in the future,” he countered. “I can wait. Are you so certain that you'll always be there for her? You might leave someday.”

I snorted.

“No, I'm serious,” he said. “You might have no choice. You haven't imprinted on her, have you?” He plucked it from my brain and I was instantly furious. The fact that it was true didn't lessen how I felt about her. What the hell did he know, anyway?

I had to get out of here. I was losing it. I was about to phase. The shudders were rippling down my body. Edward Cullen noted it and nodded.

“With Victoria after her, I'm afraid I can't go anywhere. I have to keep her safe. I'll be waiting in the wings, Jacob. If she needs me. I'll be here.”

As soon as he said it he was gone. I didn't chase him. I waited a moment, then phased and ran off in the other direction, in search of Victoria.

There was nothing. She was gone. I met up with the pack, which did now include Leah Clearwater, and we ran all over three counties looking for a fresh trail. But there was no sign of the vamp. She had disappeared, but I was sure it was only a matter of time before she came back. Staying gone wasn't something that leeches seemed to be any good at.

We did an early morning run and Leah made us all miserable. It sucked having to hear her thoughts when we were both wolves. I could tell that having her in the pack was going to get old fast. She spent the whole morning complaining, mocking and cursing us all – especially Sam. He tried to be patient with her, but I could tell he was struggling with it. By the time we met up with her again after her father's funeral, the gloves were off.

They were going at it in the parking lot of the Gym when Bella and I passed them. Their voices were low, but they were arguing heatedly.

“Listen to me, Leah. I understand why you're angry with me, and that's fine. I get it. But they didn't do anything to you, and you can't just attack everyone around you because you're unhappy.” I could tell he meant business, but it wasn't really a command. If it had been, she would have had no choice but to obey.

“Go to hell, Sam. I didn't ask to be part of your stupid litter, or whatever. I didn't sign up for this and I'm not exactly thrilled about having to spend more time with you, so don't even think that you can start telling me...” 

Leah broke off and glared at us. Why did I have the feeling she was going to make me pay for overhearing this?

I saw Bella register Leah's expression and take it to heart, so I explained. “The pack has a new member, apparently. She's not taking it very gracefully.”

“What? Leah's a werewolf?”

“Tell you the rest later,” We were in line for pancakes now, and the guys were coming up to meet us. It was no time to get into it.

The Swans spent most of the day with us in LaPush, and that night, I climbed the tree to Bella's window. She let me stay the night. I knew he was out there, in the woods; listening. It didn't matter. It didn't change anything.


	8. Memories

Charlie and I had spent the day of the funeral in LaPush, and late that night, Jacob came to my room again. I had been upstairs for less than a minute before I heard him tapping at the window. I opened it, and he swung into the room from the tree and landed gracefully.

“You might wanna quit locking that thing if I'm gonna be coming over on a regular basis.” He said with a smirk.

“Insane vampire, desperate to kill me? Any of this ringing a bell?” I countered.

“Yeah, right. 'Cause that window will definitely stop her if she decides to come up here.”

The truth of his statement hit me like a punch. I had, for who knows what reason, felt relatively safe in my room – until now. Jacob saw my face and pulled me close.

“Come on, Bells; it's okay. She's not gonna try anything. She'll be able to smell me all over this place. You're safe. I'm here.”

We were kissing then, and then he had backed me up against the wall and our clothes were gone and so was my breath as he lifted and held me there effortlessly, pinned against the plaster, all my weight supported by his strong arms and the place where our bodies met.

I closed my eyes and felt his breath against my neck – hot and damp, it came in bursts that matched the rhythm of his movements in me. I leaned my head back against the wall. The plaster was cool and smooth, hard against my back, and as I noticed its feel on my bare skin, without meaning to; I thought of Edward.

No sooner did I think his name than the image of him sprang to life behind my closed lids. I gasped. It hurt so badly to think of him, and yet this time I made no effort to banish the thought. The mental pain mixed with the physical pleasure and alchemized into something else, a feeling that was neither melancholy or joy, but somehow both. I imagined that I was with _him_ now, that my hands were running through his hair, that he was making me feel this. I imagined it was his sweet breath on my neck and that the chill spring breeze that blew the curtains back from the window carried the honey-and-lilac scent of him.

I came unwillingly, with a loud groan that startled us both and made him let me down and step away, listening intently for Charlie's approach. After a full minute of silence, I looked at him and grimaced.

“One of the upsides of having nightmares that wake me up screaming all the time is that Charlie doesn't pay attention to weird noises I make in the night anymore.”

“Oh.” He didn't seem to be sure what to say to that.

“I think I need to pass out now. Long day.” I added, and headed for my bed.

“Oh. Okay.” said Jacob, and he yawned, stretched, and lay down beside me, draping one heavy arm over me. I turned a little, so that my back was to him and frowned in the dark. I felt....well, I felt a lot of different things, to be honest, but the most surprising one was guilt. I felt guilty. Like a cheat. But who was I cheating on? My love? Or my lover?

I slept restlessly. Jacob's arm across me seemed to weigh a ton, and he was so hot that before long I had kicked all of the blankets away. When I woke up, I was shivering. Jacob was gone, my quilt was on the floor, and the window was still wide open. I got up and looked around – no note. He wouldn't have wanted to wake me, rummaging in the dark for a pen and paper. The first rays of early sunlight were just streaking into the room now, making a dappled pattern on the wooden floorboards. I stared at it for a moment blankly, noticing for the first time that while most of the boards were smoothly uniform and pressed flush against one another, there was one which was surrounded by the thinnest of gaps that separated it from the rest of the floor.

I heard the muffled sound of my father's raised voice then and it snapped me out of my reverie. Who was he talking to? I opened the door quietly, and stood there a moment, listening. As I did, I glanced around the room again and saw something that made my heart drop in my chest. Jacob's shorts still lay on the floor where he had left them last night.

I listened just long enough to hear Jake's familiar laugh; then I went to the bathroom and turned on the shower. But instead of getting in, I tiptoed along the hall and down the stairs until I could hear them clearly, letting the the sound of the water mask my footsteps.

“Well, what am I supposed to say? Good job? Way to go? I'm just thrilled to death that you're obviously sleeping with my teenage daughter? How did you get up there, anyway? I know I locked that door last night...”   
Charlie grumbled, sounding irritated; but considerably less angry than I would have expected, considering what he had just said.

“Come on, Charlie. She's older than me. and you know I'm good for her. And the more involved with someone she gets, and the sooner; the better it'll be. Having me around all the time might be just what she needs. Then when he comes back, she'll have already moved on.”

“Well, I can't pretend I wouldn't rather it was you than that other guy, I'll give you that. I hope to hell you're wrong about him coming back. But you hurt her, and I'm getting my shotgun, we clear? And hows about no more trips downstairs in your underwear, huh kid? Let's try to get through this week without you giving me a heart attack too.”

Jacob gave another throaty chuckle and said, “Sure, sure.” and I heard the door shut as Charlie left. When Jake came around the corner and saw me at the bottom of the stairs with a look of chagrin on my face and one hand clamped over my mouth, he grinned.

“What are you _doing_?” I hissed when I had gathered my wits.

“Relax, Bells. I just came down to see if there was anything to eat, and I ran into Charlie. No big deal.” He tried to calm me, but I wasn't finished with him yet.

“But you're _naked_!” Of course, this wasn't strictly true – rather, he was; as Charlie had said, in his underwear. The dark gray boxer-briefs clung snugly to his thick, well muscled legs...and butt...and...I averted my eyes. He might as well be naked, and he looked....well... _impressive_. No wonder poor Charlie had almost had a heart attack. As a matter of fact, I might be having one myself.

“He'll get over it.” Jacob answered. “Trust me, everything's fine. You'll see, Bells. I promise.

I couldn't speak. He seemed to understand, and didn't wait for a response. “I'm gonna go catch up with Sam and the guys. I'll see you later, okay?” I nodded numbly and he left, going upstairs for his shorts and out the window..

I followed, and closed it against the cold March air. As I bent to pick up my quilt off the floor, my eyes fell on the loose floorboard again. I reached out, and gave one end of it a poke with the tips of my fingers.

It moved.

For one moment that seemed to last forever, I hesitated. Part of me recoiled in fear from whatever was hidden in this forgotten place. But it only lasted a moment, and then I had the board out of the floor and laid aside and was staring; dumbstruck by what I saw.

There, in a little niche under my floor; were all of the things that Edward had taken from me when he left. There was the picture of the two of us on my birthday – him; radiating otherworldly beauty, me; depressingly average. There was the cd of music he had written, including the lullaby he had composed for me. There were the plane tickets we had planned to use for a shared vacation. What was I supposed to do with them now?

For month after agonizing month I had wished for these things back. They would have been such a comfort to me in my misery. But now?

I would have looked at that picture constantly, reassuring myself that he was real, and that I would never forget his perfect face. But I couldn't have it out now, where Jacob would undoubtedly see it. And leaving the plane tickets? What for? Where would I ever want to go but to him?

Listening to the cd would have been so easy and so hard – if I played it with my eyes closed, I could convince myself that he was in the room. But I could never play it around Jake, and besides: I couldn't nurture any false hope. It didn't mean anything that these things were here, he just didn't want them and figured that maybe someday, I would. It couldn't mean anything. He was never coming back.

I hurriedly put everything back and replaced the floorboard. I got into the shower and let the hot water stream down over my head and face. It helped. It made it easier to pretend that I wasn't crying.


	9. La Push

Although my father gave me sideways looks for days, he never said a word about the incident with Jake. But over the next week or so it became clear that the wolf was out of the bag. I couldn't know if it had been he, Billy, or Paul who had spilled the beans, but everyone we knew took it as a matter of course that we were together, and so; without either of us ever actually saying so, it became official. I was Jacob Black's girlfriend.

The weeks went by at an unhurried pace. Jacob and I rode our bikes around LaPush often, despite the fact that my increasing skill with the bike meant that I no longer heard Edward's voice when I was on it. Eventually, Charlie found out about this too, and while he didn't like it, his reaction wasn't the angry one I had expected.

He had glowered and mumbled into the refrigerator as he rummaged for a beer - something that sounded like “Well, you're eighteen now, so I guess you're gonna do whatever the hell you want anyway....” and then he went into the living room and turned on a football game. As Jake and I turned to leave the room, he shouted without turning around, “You'd better be wearing a helmet, young lady!”

“I should have thought of that myself. Sorry.” whispered Jacob. And the next time I showed up at his house wanting to take the bikes out, he pulled me out to the garage faster than I could run on my own, excited like a little kid. When we were inside, he opened one of the backdoors of his vintage Volkswagen and sat me down sideways on the seat.

“Okay, close your eyes.” he said.

“Why? I asked, instantly suspicious.

“Just _do_ it, Bella.” I warily complied. Suddenly, something snug was fitted over my head. My eyes flashed open, just in time to see Jacob lower a plastic shield over my face. I pushed it back up.

“What the?...” I said as I removed the object from my head to look at it.

It was a motorcycle helmet – almost perfectly round, and probably vintage. It was olive green, but the paint had just a hint of sparkle. It was sort of perfect.

“Oh Jake. This is....great, actually. I love it.” I put it back on my head with the visor up, and grinned at him.

“Oh god, you look so hot.” he said, and I laughed. “No, I mean it,” he countered, “That is really....” and then he was kissing me and as we lay together in the backseat it was probably a good thing I was wearing the helmet, because otherwise, I might have gotten a concussion. The backseat of an “86 Rabbit is not very roomy, especially when you factor in the sheer size of Jacob.

As spring turned into summer and the weather warmed up, we took to going cliff diving. At first, Jacob would only let me jump from the lower cliffs, citing my accident-prone tendencies and bad judgement as reasons why I needed to play it safe – for the moment. But after a couple of outings and no signs of drowning from me, he felt better about me trying the big jump that I had so craved.

As I stood on the edge of the cliff looking out at the vast expanse of water, I heard Edward's velvet voice in my ear for the first time in months.

“Don't, Bella.” he said, but it was soft and nearly drowned out by the shouts and catcalls of Jared, Embry, and Paul, who were hanging out of the Rabbit, hollering and trading insults as they demolished and extra large bag of red licorice that someone had brought. Jacob stood a little way behind me. Whether his plan was to provide moral support, or to snatch me away from danger at the last second, I couldn't be sure.

I rolled up onto the balls of my feet and took a deep breath. I raised my arms straight out, as if I were going to dive, lifting my face to the sun. But it was too ingrained from years of swimming at the public pool – feet first, first time. I leaned forward, crouching to get more spring…

And then I flung myself off the cliff.

I screamed as I dropped through the open air like a meteor, but it was a scream of exhilaration and not fear. Yes! The word echoed through my head as I sliced through the surface of the water. It was cold, but the chill only added to the high. I was proud of myself as I plunged into the water. I hadn't had one moment of terror – just pure adrenaline. Really, the fall wasn't scary at all. Where was the challenge?

I surfaced grinning, and bobbed in the water like a cork for a moment before I struck out for shore.

Leah and Sam had both jumped before me, and so as I waded onto the beach they were there, so deep in conversation that they took no notice of me as I approached.

“I don't understand why I can't just hide out at my house until I have this thing under control!”, Leah shouted. “I have no interest in being part of your little self-aggrandizing furry sausage-fest, okay? _I WANT OUT!_ ” She was shaking, and I could see she was trying very hard to rein in her feelings.

Sam's voice softened as he tried to calm her. “We need you, Lee-lee.”

At that, Leah bellowed a sound that was part groan, part scream, and part bark. She exploded into a huge but slender gray wolf and stood there for a moment, growling and shivering as the scraps of her shorts and tank top fluttered down around her onto the beach.

Just then, I tripped on a piece of driftwood and went sprawling onto my face.. I could feel their eyes on my back as they turned to look at me. And then the ground shook beneath me as Leah bounded off into the forest.

Sam helped to pull me to my feet and as I brushed the gritty sand off of my face and clothes, I heard a splash behind me. Moments later, Jake joined us on the beach.

When he was beside me, Jacob shook the water out of his hair, spraying Sam and I both. It didn't matter. All three of us were soaking wet. I began wringing out as much water as I could from my own hair and clothes, and Sam and Jacob started gathering driftwood. By the time Jared, Paul, and Embry were on the beach and out of the water I was only mostly soggy, and they had a pile big enough for a decent-sized fire.

We gathered around it as Paul set to work getting the fire going. Jacob sat propped against a beached log and I lay back against him and dozed while the pack discussed strategy. Afterwards, we ate a spaghetti dinner on paper plates at the Blacks' with Charlie and the Clearwaters. It was a typical day.

The rest of the summer was spent this way, moving between my house in Forks, and his in LaPush, but always together, except when he was running patrols. He never left me alone for long. Which was good, because it meant I didn't have time to think of Edward or wonder where he was and if this; me moving on, was what he wanted.

I tried to put him out of my mind again, but the floodgates were opened now, and try as I might, I couldn't forget him. And the irony of it was the worst part – that even though he had never seemed further away or more lost to me, Edward would always be with me.


	10. Victoria

Over the next few months, a lot of things were pretty constant. One of them was the threat of an attack from Victoria. It didn't seem to matter to her that Edward was no longer interested in what happened to me; she stuck to her course with bloody single-mindedness. Every few weeks she tried again, and though they had gotten within a hair's breadth of her more times than they could count, the pack had never managed to catch her. Victoria seemed to have an infallible instinct for escape.

Sam was convinced that there was a pattern to her attacks. “If I could just see what we're missing here...” he grumbled over the table at Emily's house. He took a piece of ham from the huge tray that lay between us looking as though it contained an entire pig, and munched it distractedly. To my right, a mountain of massive crescent rolls blocked the view into the living room, where Paul, Embry, and Jared were arguing over the remote.

“She always shows up towards the end of the month, but not always the same day. April and May were the same, and then June and July. It seems to be getting earlier...” Sam continued, staring intently at nothing.

“Maybe she only gets good and pissed at us when she's on the rag!”  
Paul's outburst from the living room was clearly a joke – vampires definitely didn't menstruate – and Jacob chortled next to me, but I was on my feet.

“Take it easy, Bella – I didn't know period jokes were off the menu.” said Paul with faux concern, but I paid him no attention.

“That's it!” Sam looked at me skeptically. “Well, _that's_ not it, but don't you see? It's the moon! She's basing her attacks around the cycles of the moon, I'd bet anything.” I was so sure suddenly, and I had no idea why. It just _felt_ right.

“But why?” asked Jacob. He'd been quiet this whole time and hadn't even cracked a smile, which just went to show how seriously he was taking this. “It doesn't make sense.”

“Doesn't it?” I challenged him. “Think about it. The only thing she knows about you guys is that you're werewolves. She has no reason to think that the myths are wrong. She probably thinks that the moon has something to do with your ability to transform! Do you have a computer?” I asked Emily, who nodded and wiped her hands on her apron before abandoning the pot of stew on the stove to show me into her bedroom.

An old whitewashed desk in the corner held a computer that looked as ancient and slow as the one I had at home. While I waited for the dial-up internet connection to load, I looked around. There were a few framed photos on the dresser next to me.

The first one that caught my eye was of two beautiful teenage girls, maybe sixteen years old. One was obviously Emily, before Sam and the vicious-looking scars he had accidentally given her. The other was Leah Clearwater, though I had to look hard before I could recognize her for certain. I had never seen her looking so....happy.

The girls had their arms slung around each other casually, grinning and posing for the camera, Leah wearing cutoff shorts and a tank top, Emily in a breezy white summer dress. They looked more like sisters or best friends than cousins. I wondered who had taken the picture.

And then I had my answer as my eyes strayed to another of the photos.

Sam and Leah and Emily, from almost the same time, as far as I could tell; as the previous picture. They were all in a laughing pile on a couch. It looked like a party. It hit me suddenly that they had all grown up together to some extent, even though Emily had lived on a different reservation a short drive away until recently. Leah and Sam had been sweethearts for years, until the magic that had forced him to fall in love with a member of her family who just happened to be her best friend. Poor Leah. No wonder she was so angry.

I shook my head. Imprinting was something I would probably never understand, and it was strange to think of the effects that it – and Sam; had had on the lives of the girls in the photographs, who looked as though no harm could ever come to either of them, frozen as they were in a perfect time.

The familiar page had finally loaded and I searched for the lunar phases for that year.

“What were those dates, Sam?” I called to the front of the house. They matched exactly with the dates of the new moon over the last few months.  
“I think this is it, you guys. She's attacking every time there's a new moon.” I said from the doorway.

“It makes sense, Jake. She might be on to something.” said Sam, when he saw Jacob furrow his brow, still unsure. “It's September fourteenth now...when is the next new moon, Bella?”

“The twenty-second.”

“Okay. That buys us a little time. Until then, we run patrols just like we would normally. We've got a couple of days to work out a strategy. Maybe if we can force her to fight on our terms, we can take her down.”

Jacob and I left then, and headed back to my house. About fifty yards down the drive, we saw Leah, running around the perimeter. Her silvery fur was a streak through the forest as she hurtled through the trees much faster than was called for, as if she were trying to outrun something. My eyes strained to follow her as she disappeared into the dense forest.

By the time we got back to my house, it was fully dark and the moon was out. It hung low and huge in the sky; perfectly round and an ominous shade of red. It was beautiful. It looked close enough to touch. I parked the truck and got out to look at it.

“So, you don't buy my theory?” I asked Jacob as he came around the truck to meet me. I stood there, staring at the moon with my hands in the pockets of my hoodie, not looking at him. He came up behind me, and sliding his arms underneath mine, wrapped them around me. He rested his chin on the top of my head. He must have been bending down to do it.

“It's not that I think you're wrong, it's just...i don't think we should count on it.” he answered eventually. “Tell you what, let's not talk anymore strategy tonight, okay; Bells?”

I sighed, and tried to shake off the feeling of foreboding I was overcome with suddenly. I had to be right. There was no other explanation that made sense.

I turned to Jake and smiled. “What do you suggest we do instead?”

If he didn’t want me to talk strategy, he was going to have to provide me with a distraction. I had a feeling he’d be happy to oblige.

“Charlie's working late, right? I'm sure we can think of something.” he said with an insinuating grin, and bent to kiss me. As our lips met, I heard an unexpected sound that caused us both to look sharply towards the house – the front door opening.

Time stopped for a moment as I processed what I was seeing. There, standing casually in the doorway of my father's house; was Victoria.

She looked exactly as she had the last time I'd seen her, which shouldn't have been surprising to me, but was, nevertheless. She wore jeans and a t-shirt, and her feet were bare, but the outfit was topped off by an ostentatious white cape made of something furry. It made her hair look like freshly-spilled blood on snow. I couldn't see the brightness of her eyes in the shadows where she stood, but I knew their livid color was redder than her hair, redder than the moon. She smiled, but her face was filled with hate.

“How sweet. If _only_ Edward could see you now.” she said in a deceptively sweet voice. She raised an eyebrow sardonically as she crouched to spring. I was still staring at her fixated, like a mouse before a cat, when Jake snapped me out of my reverie by shouting my name.

“Bella, come on!” and before I knew what was happening, he had slung me up onto his back. I was paralyzed with terror and clung to him desperately as he bounded off in two large strides and exploded under me.

Jacob's clothes split apart and came away under my hands as in the space of an instant, he quadrupled in size and transformed so that instead of being piggybacked on my boyfriend, I was now astride an enormous, russett-colored wolf and riding it like a pony. It was the single strangest thing that had ever happened to me, and I had seen more than my share of strange things. All the while, Jake never stopped running.

He howled as we bounded through the woods, and I held on to him for dear life, squeezing my legs around him and tangling my fingers in his fur. I was trying not to remember breaking my leg in an attempt at horseback riding when I was small, and how; up until the moment the horse had bucked me off, it had felt much, much safer than this. I had just reminded myself that I would consider myself lucky if a broken leg was all I got out of this, when we reached a small clearing in the forest.

I didn't know if this is where Jacob had been leading Victoria, or if we were just running through it on the way to somewhere else, because when we were almost to the other side, I felt him jerk under me suddenly. Forward momentum made me continue in the direction we had been going, flying off Jake's back a little ways into the forest, where I landed hard in a bush.

I scrambled and flailed, trying to free myself, but I was badly caught in a thicket. The best I could do was reposition myself just enough to be able to see where Victoria stood, near the center of the clearing.

She had caught Jacob by the tail, and evidently, she was strong enough to hold him. Despite his snarling and snapping, she swung him around hard before letting him go. He flew back and hit a huge tree with a whimper and a sickening crack. And then Jacob, my protector, lay still; and Victoria was coming towards me.

She was only a few yards away when she stopped. I was struggling frantically, my heart pounding in my ears, and then she said; “Well, well. And here I thought you didn't care!”

She did? Why? Of course, she had been stalking me for months now, and I was sure she had watched me go through my depression – at least, part of it. But not care? Not want to live? She was so wrong. I thrashed and fought against the thorny branches, but then stopped, paralyzed; when I realized that Victoria wasn't speaking to me.

She had turned and was addressing someone who was off in the woods, out of sight. My view was obscured by the trees, and I couldn't see who it was, but I heard Victoria declare “Oh _no_ , I'm delighted to see you! This little party wouldn't have been _nearly_ as much fun without you.”

Great. As if she needed any assistance. I was helpless. Trapped. And Jacob was out cold, or.... but I couldn't think about that now, or I would fall apart.

Victoria took another step and stopped again. There was a striking feline quality to the way she held her coiled body, a lioness waiting to spring. Her restless, wild gaze flickered between the woods to her left and me, but they never rested there for more than a half-second. She could not keep her eyes from my face any more than I could keep mine from hers.

Tension rolled off of her, nearly visible in the air. I could feel the desire, the all-consuming passion that held her in its grip. She only wanted one thing.

My death.

An immense distance away, from far across the black forest, a wolf howled, and Edward Cullen stepped out of the woods and started to move toward her, blocking her path to me.

“You see? This is more like it. Wolf boy didn't put up much of a fight.” Victoria simpered. Her voice was not the strong, wild, catlike growl I would have put with her face and stance. It was soft, it was high – a babyish, soprano tinkling. It made no sense coming through her bared, glistening teeth.

“Look more closely, Victoria,” Edward murmured, “Is he really so much like the monster James tracked across Siberia?”

Her eyes popped wide open, and then began flickering wildly from Edward to Jacob, to me, around and around. “Not the same?” she snarled, “Impossible!”

“Nothing is impossible.” Edward said, voice velvet soft as he moved another inch closer to her. “Except what you want. You'll never touch her.”

I held my breath. I wasn't fighting to free myself any longer. It was a lost cause. I couldn't believe this was happening, and refused to believe it, and yet...maybe I was being gifted with one last hallucination before I died.

Maybe the best that I could hope for was to see his face one last time.

Edward and Victoria were dancing.

Not quite circling, because Edward was not allowing her to position herself closer to me. She sashayed back, moving from side to side, trying to find a hole in his defense. He shadowed her footwork lithely, stalking her with perfect concentration. He began to move just a fraction of a second before she moved, reading her intentions in her thoughts.

Victoria started weaving away from him, looking torn, her feet pulling her toward safety while her eyes yearned toward me as if I were a magnet, reeling her in. I could see the burning desire to kill warring with her survival instinct.

Edward could see that, too.

“Don't go, Victoria,” he murmured in the same hypnotic tone as before. ”You'll never get another chance like this.”

She showed her teeth and hissed at him, but she seemed unable to move any farther away from me.

“You can always run later,” Edward purred. “Plenty of time for that. It's what you do, isn't it? It's why James kept you around. Useful, if you like to play deadly games. A partner with an uncanny instinct for escaping. He shouldn't have left you – he could have used your skills when we caught up to him in Phoenix.”

A snarl ripped from between her lips.

“That's all you ever were to him, though. Silly to waste so much energy avenging someone who had less affection for you than a hunter for his mount. You were never more than a convenience to him. I would know.”

Edward's lips pulled up on one side as he tapped his temple. 

With a strangled screech, Victoria darted towards him again, feinting to the side. Edward responded, and the dance began again. They closed on each other, and it was lion versus lioness.

The dance increased in tempo until I could no longer see what was happening, and then they broke apart again. Victoria began to back away, frenzied disappointment blazing in her eyes. She threw me one short, agonized stare of longing, and then she started to retreat faster.

“No,” Edward crooned, his voice seductive. “Stay just a little longer.”

She wheeled and flew toward the refuge of the forest like an arrow from a bow.

But Edward was faster – a bullet from a gun.

He caught her unprotected back at the edge of the trees and, with one last, simple step, the dance was over.

Edward's mouth brushed once across her neck, like a caress. He could have been kissing her.

And then the fiery tangle of her hair was no longer connected to the rest of her body. The shivering orange waves fell to the ground, and bounced once before rolling towards the trees.


	11. The Truth

We stared at each other in silence for a moment. And then Edward let out a small, exasperated sigh. “Breathe, Bella.” I had been holding my breath. I tried to comply. I forced my eyes – frozen wide open with shock – to move, so that I could not examine too closely the oval object wrapped in tendrils of shivering, fiery hair.

Edward was in motion again. Swift and coolly businesslike, he came to the place where I was stuck in the undergrowth and gently freed me from the bush. I scrutinized his every action minutely, looking for any evidence that he had been harmed. My heart slowed to a healthier rhythm when I found nothing. He was lithe and graceful as ever. I couldn't even see a tear in his clothes.

When I had righted myself, I turned to where Jacob's still form, laying at the base of a tree on the other side of the clearing and, afraid of the answer; asked, “Is he...”

“Just unconscious. He'll be fine, Bella. Though, I daresay, none too pleased when he finds out what happened.” A sad smile ghosted over Edward's features.

“Well, he'll just have to get over it. You saved my life. Again. Thank you.”

“You're welcome, Bella.” It was a simple sentence, but the way he said it seemed to carry more meaning than the words conveyed. His eyes bored into me, and I could see, even in the darkness, that they were pitch black. The shadows beneath them, too, were deeper and darker than I had ever seen them. It had clearly been far too long since the last time he had hunted.

Edward turned away from me. Victoria's body was dragging itself slowly towards the tree line, trying to reconnect with its head, but he quickly put a stop to that by dismembering it. He put the twitching limbs in a pile and covered them with dry pine needles, then pulled a silver rectangle from his pocket and set the carcass to burn. He retrieved the head, and once the body was ablaze, he added it to the pile.

Thick smoke, dark and acrid, rose from the remains; choking me and making my eyes water. Edward must have thought I was crying, because he said, “You're safe now, Bella. Don't be frightened.” I stared at him like an imbecile.

“I'm not.” I answered quickly.

“Bella, I just – he hesitated and then forced the words out - “I just beheaded and dismembered a sentient creature not twenty yards from you. That doesn't _bother you? He frowned at me._

_I shrugged. Shrugging was good. Very blasė._

_We looked at the smoke rising before us, blotting out the stars and casting a dark haze over the moon's livid glow. We didn't look at each other as I said, “So. You came back,” in my best offhand manner._

_“Yes,” he answered._

_A silence passed between us as I debated whether to ask him the question that was all I could think of – how long was he planning to stay._

_But I didn't ask, because I was afraid of what he would say. Of course he wasn't here for good – his duty done, he could leave again and go back to his distractions, secure in the knowledge that I was safe and he was guiltless._

_Even if for some reason he was staying in town, it didn't matter, He didn't want me, he had made that clear enough. It was enough that he was here, that he was alive; that I hadn't dreamed him._

_My memories hadn't done him justice. My human brain wasn't capable of wrapping itself around his perfection. Even starved and worried, he looked like an angel. A breeze was picking up and as it dissipated the smoke, it ruffled his messy bronze hair. His arms in the sleeves of his charcoal gray sweater were smoothly muscled and folded across his perfect chest. More than anything, I wanted to go to him and for him to wrap those arms around me, but I held my ground. It would cost me too much to be rejected by him now._

_“Bella, I...,” he started, but never finished the thought. Because just then, five enormous wolves bounded onto the scene and Edward disappeared just as suddenly as he had come._

_Sam, the largest of the group; approached first. The big black wolf surveyed the scene, then turned and vanished into the trees again. He came back a moment later in his human form, tying the drawstring of the sweatpants he had carried bound to a back leg._

_“Bella, what happened to Jake? Are you okay? Was that...”_

_He trailed off, obviously reticent to say the name for fear of my reaction._

_“Yeah. That was Edward. I'm fine. Um...he said Jake would be okay. Victoria threw him into a tree.”_

_Sam knelt beside Jacob's inert body, checking him for damage. He looked up, surprised; at my words, and I saw his dark eyes flash from me to the still-smoking pile of cinders and ash that until recently, had been Victoria. Even to me, the fire had a heavy perfume. I wondered how it smelled to him._

_As the rest of the pack phased and rejoined us, I paced and bit my lip nervously. If Jake was seriously injured because of me, I would never forgive myself. Edwards' reassurance that he would be fine had comforted me considerably, but the longer he took to wake up, the more worried I became._

_After a time that must have been only a few minutes, but which felt like hours, Jacob stirred. His foreleg twitched, then suddenly he started and stood up, turning around a few times before he got his bearings. His wolfy face wore a look of puzzled confusion and he cocked his head to one side quizzically. He looked so funny, and I was so relieved, I couldn't help but laugh a little._

_Jake grunted, puffed a sharp breath out through his nose, and sat down on his haunches. Sam turned to the pack. “Embry, see if you can catch Cullen. I have a few questions. Leah, run and go get Jacob something to wear, would you?”_

_“What do I look like to you?” Leah snapped. “I am not playing fetch and carry for that asshole.”_

_“Leah...” Sam's voice carried an implicit warning and the strange double timbre of the alpha's command. Leah Clearwater was powerless to ignore it. She glared at him and made a little mocking bow._

_“Fine, _oh fearless leader_ ,” she said with biting sarcasm. “ Your wish is my...well, _you know_.” She turned on her heel and stormed off back in the direction of my house._

_Sam sighed. “I only wanted her to go because she's the fastest. Sometimes I think the only reason she sticks around is to give me a hard time.”_

_I sat on the ground beside Jacob, who snorted and rolled his eyes at Sam's remark, as if to say that Leah didn't discriminate much – she liked to give them all a hard time._

_Before we knew it, she was back. We had passed a few minutes in silence, as I had absentmindedly petted Jacob's fur. He seemed relatively undamaged, but it was hard to tell since he wasn't talking. Then Leah reappeared, and I started laughing hysterically when I saw what she had brought for Jake to change into._

_It was a pair of silky Victoria's Secret pajama pants that my mother had bought me and which had lain in a drawer, unused; ever since. They even still carried tags, I was sure of it. They were a shiny lavender satin, and; out of all my pairs of ratty, oversized sweats, I was sure that she'd chosen these for Jacob out of pure spite. They were _ridiculous.__

_Jake growled a little as he gingerly took the pajamas in his mouth, but he stalked off to change with his head held high. When he returned, I had to struggle to stifle my giggles._

_My pants, though stretchy, were much too small for Jacob, and the shiny purple material was stretched tight over his muscular form, leaving almost nothing to the imagination. He might as well have phased ten minutes earlier and just reported to Sam in the buff. Paul and Jared howled with laughter as Leah watched me bite my lip to keep from cracking up with a look of grudging approval._

_“That's right, take it all in. This is what you wanted, right? Make sure you get a good look!” he mocked them, swaggering over to sit next to me again. He didn't seem any less self-confident now than before Victoria's appearance._

_“Allright, so let's take this from the beginning. Jake, you start,” said Sam, bringing us back._

_“When we got to Bella's house, the bloodsucker was waiting for us;” Jake answered readily, rubbing the back of his head. “I phased and tried to run with her, but I wasn't quick enough. The bitch got in a lucky hit.”_

_They looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to say more, but Jacob went silent. Sam turned to me. “What happened then, Bella?” I looked to Jake before answering, but he wouldn't meet my eyes. He stared at the ground and shredded the grass at his feet._

_“She grabbed his tail and threw him into a tree.”_

_Paul let out a fresh burst of laughter, which Sam quickly silenced with a hard look. “And then?” he prodded._

_“That's it. I flew off and got stuck in a bush.”_

_“That's what she said.” I heard one of the boys whisper._

_“Enough!” said Sam. “Is that when Cullen showed up?” he asked. Jacob's head jerked up and he looked at me. Lowering my eyes, I nodded._

_“Yes. She was about to kill me. She would have, if it wasn't for him.”_

_Jake deflated somehow when I said this and Sam nodded and rose to his feet._

_“You guys should head on home. We'll see you later.” he said, and then; when I was sure he was about to turn and leave us, “I'm glad you're okay.”_

_We smiled at each other for a moment, and then Jacob and I headed back to my house._

_“So.... _are_ you okay?” Jake asked as we strolled slowly through the dark woods. I knew he wasn't just talking about Victoria's attack._

_“Yeah, I think so. A little shocked.” I answered him, “You?”_

_“I'm fine. Already good as new. I'm hard-headed.”_

_“Oh, I know.” I chuckled and put my arm through his. We were quiet for a little while._

_“So. Edward Cullen.” Jacob broke the silence. “Guess I can't be _too_ mad at the prick for coming back, considering he saved your life...”_

_I didn't say anything._

_“Listen, I'm sorry. I should have done a better job protecting you.” he burst out again, as though he couldn't keep it in. “It shouldn't have come to that, she just got lucky. If he hadn't been _lurking_ around like a stalker, I would have smelled her! I....” he trailed off, aware somehow that he had said too much._

_“What did you say?” I asked him quietly. He didn't answer, so I rephrased the question. “Edward was here, and you knew about it? And you didn't _say_ anything? He still didn't answer, so I raised my voice. “You didn't think that was something that I had a right to know?”_

_Jacob maintained his stony silence, and we walked a little further without speaking. We were near the house now, and I could see Charlie's cruiser in the driveway._

_“I'm sorry, Bella.” he said when we got to the porch and still hadn't spoken._

_“Tell me one thing.” I said, and he nodded. “When? How long has he been back and how long have you known?”_

_He met my gaze and his dark eyes were pleading and full of...regret? Resignation? It was impossible to tell what he was thinking._

_“March.” He said finally, simply._

_It took me a moment to process his meaning. When I did, I exploded._

_“Since _March_? He's been here, doing...what? Lurking? Spying on us? _For six months? And you knew the whole time?_ ” I couldn't remember ever having been so angry, and my anger was directed at both of them. Jacob didn't answer, but I could read the truth in his eyes._

_I didn't wait for a response. I wheeled and went into the house, slamming the door in his face. Charlie was on his feet in an instant. “Bella? What's the matter?” He went to the window, frowning; and peered out at Jacob, who made quite a sight in my pajamas._

_I took advantage of his distraction and headed for my room, calling “I'm fine – I just don't want to see him right now!”_

_It wasn't long before Charlie knocked on my door. “You okay, Bells? Did he hurt you?”_

_As a matter of fact, he had. But I said nothing for a moment, and didn't move from where I lay on the bed. Finally, I said, “Yeah, Dad. I'm alright. I promise, okay? I just want to be alone for a while.” I could almost see his worried expression through the door. After a minute, he relented._

_“Okay, kiddo. Your old man's here if you need him, alright?” Charlie went back downstairs, and after considering for a moment, I got up and went to the window._

_For the first time I could remember since moving to Forks, I shut and bolted it. Before turning back to flop on my bed, a burst of movement below caught my eye and I watched as a russet-colored wolf ran off into the woods, littering the ground behind him with scraps of purple fabric._

_I fell into bed and into sleep as though in self-defense. I was unconscious before my head hit the pillow._


	12. Good Times Go Fast. And Then They Go Away.

It was pretty funny how quick everyone accepted Bella and me without question, especially our fathers. I knew mine didn't exactly approve, but Billy wasn't one to enforce his opinion on me. He had been a little tougher on my sisters, but now that it was just us, he pretty much made his feelings clear and then stepped back to wait and watch it all go wrong.

Charlie, on the other hand, would rather just not know more than he absolutely had to. We'd been going at it one night in Bella's room, making more noise than was probably a good idea, and had stopped suddenly, both of us sure that he was going to come bursting in any second. I listened closely, but the only sound I heard was the volume on the tv being raised as Charlie tried his best to drown us out.

I spent the night, and the next morning, woke up starving. The sun wasn't even up yet, and Bella was still fast asleep. I didn't want to bother her – she looked relaxed and at ease in a way I didn't get to see her very often. She reminded me of one of those princesses in fairy tales that fell into magic sleeps in which the outside world couldn't touch them.

Chuckling to myself at the thought of how she'd roll her eyes if she knew I was mentally comparing her to Snow White, I went downstairs to round up some grub.

I was in the fridge up to my shoulders and already munching on some kind of pastry, when I heard a noise behind me. I stood up too fast and banged my head on the inside of the refrigerator. Charlie was behind me in the kitchen, clearing his throat.

“Morning, Charlie!” I said brightly. I was aiming for nonchalant, but I may have missed. I kind of winced at him. I had just realized I was only wearing underwear.

“Jacob. Fancy seeing you here.” His arms were folded and his eyebrows drawn. He was all cop for a second – all he needed was a pair of mirrored glasses. “Can I ask what you think you're doing?”

“I got hungry.” I said simply. “I...spent the night, and I didn't want to wake her up. She seemed like she was sleeping really well.” Charlie seemed to soften a little, and I remembered what Bella had said about her nightmares, and how for months they had kept both her and Charlie from getting much rest.

We were both quiet for a minute and I laughed a little at the awkwardness of the conversation. Charlie tensed up again, and raised his voice just a little – I could tell he was trying not to shout, for fear of waking Bella.

“Well, what am I supposed to say? Good job? Way to go? I'm just thrilled to death that you're obviously sleeping with my daughter? How did you get up there, anyway? I know I locked that door last night...” He looked annoyed, but not actually angry or anything. I knew he liked me, so I pressed my luck.

“Come on, Charlie. I’m younger than her. And you know I'm good for her; the more involved with someone she gets, and the sooner, the better it'll be. Having me around all the time might be just what she needs. Then when he comes back, she'll have already moved on.”  
Charlie grimaced. Edward Cullen coming back to town was pretty much his worst nightmare as a father. He would be just as happy as I would if the bloodsucker never came back. If only we were that lucky.

“Well, I can't pretend I wouldn't rather it was you than that other guy, I'll give you that. I hope to hell you're wrong about him coming back. But you hurt her, and I'm getting my shotgun, we clear? And hows about no more trips downstairs in your underwear, huh kid? Let's try to get through this week without you giving me a heart attack too.”

I laughed again and said, “Sure, sure.” And Charlie shook his head at me, grunted, and left. That was the hardest part – with Charlie in on the secret too, it wasn't long before everyone knew Bella and I were together. Our dads gossiped like old women. It was nice having it official, because it meant that people became a little less free with their opinions and just left us alone.

We settled into a routine and as she became more and more accepted by my pack brothers, things were easy.We spent the summer relaxing, fooling around, and only occasionally having to worry about vampire attacks.

Everything was going so well. I should have known it couldn't last.

Over dinner at Emily's one night in September, Sam and Bella were discussing strategy and the workings of Victoria's mind. I was only half listening – my thoughts were somewhere else.

Only that morning, I had had another conversation with Edward Cullen. I wasn't exactly crazy about the fact that we were on semi-regular speaking terms now, but I was almost impressed with the fact that he hadn't upset Bella and screwed with my plans by making his presence known to her, Maybe he _did_ care about her, after all.

The problem was, he had been here so long, hiding in the shadows of Forks; lurking in the woods around Bella's house, that his smell hung heavy over the whole place. When we were there it burned my nose and made it hard to focus. It was all I could do not to show my disgust, but I suffered through it most nights. We spent most of our time in La Push, anyway.

He had stepped out from behind a tree suddenly, blocking my path through the forest. I had been on my way to meet up with Embry.

“Jacob.”

“Last time I checked. What now?”

“I need to talk to you about Victoria.”

“Go home, leech. It's under control. We're meeting up tonight to figure out a plan, and then we'll take her out. Sam is sure there's a pattern to the attacks. He'll have something up his sleeve.” I tried to pass him, but he stopped me. I growled, but he ignored me and launched into what he had to say.

“That's just it, Jacob. She's being careful to stay out of my range, but every once in a while I get close enough to get a glimpse of what's going on in her mind. There may have been a pattern, and she may have had a plan, but all I'm hearing now is chaos. She's getting desperate.”

“What's your point?” I asked, frustrated.

“Do not underestimate her. Victoria's unpredictability is one of her most valuable assets. She relies almost exclusively on instinct. Don't make the mistake of thinking you know her next move. We can't rest until she's dead.”

He looked at me with those black eyes, and he seemed haunted and possibly a little unhinged. He was wearing the same sweater he had been wearing since the last time I had seen him. His house was only a few minutes away; he couldn't go home and change? I looked at it again. A little torn up, but probably cashmere, or something equally fancy. I guessed it cost more than my dad's monthly check was.

I couldn't even begin to understand where he was coming from, but he was trying to help, I reasoned; in his own weird way.

I had blown him off at that point, but I found myself replaying his words in my head while Bella and Sam talked about lunar cycles and Victoria's assumptions about werewolves. Something about what he'd said stuck with me, and I found myself trying to poke holes in their theory, but they weren't hearing it. Sam was too satisfied that they'd figured it all out.

“Okay. That buys us a little time. Until then, we run patrols just like we would normally. We've got a couple of days to work out a strategy. Maybe if we can force her to fight on our terms, we can take her down.” He said, and all of a sudden it sounded like foolish overconfidence to me; but what could I say, with Bella there?

We left it at that for the night, and Bella and I got into her truck and drove back to her house. I was grateful that she was driving, because with her eyes on the road, she couldn't see me wrinkle my nose at the overwhelming smell of vampire as we approached the house.

“So, you don't buy my theory?” She asked as we got out of the car. She stood, staring up at the moon, with her hood up and her hands in her pockets.

“It's not that I think you're wrong, it's just...i don't think we should count on it.” I answered, coming up behind her and resting my chin on her head. “Tell you what, let's not talk anymore strategy tonight, okay; Bells?”

She looked worried. Didn't she know I would never let anything happen to her? “What do you suggest we do instead?” she asked.

I saw my opening and went for it – distract her.

“Charlie's working late, right? I'm sure we can think of something.” I went in for the kiss, not knowing then that this would be the moment when it all fell apart.


	13. Because I Can't Win. Not Ever.

The second I heard the door creak open, I knew something was wrong. Bella felt it too, and stood hypnotized as he redhead strolled out of her house and stopped on the porch long enough to make a snide comment.

I, on the other hand; couldn't have cared less what the bitch had to say – my only thought was to get Bella out of there. I picked her up unceremoniously and threw her on my back, phasing almost instantly as I took off at a run. She managed to hang on, but just barely, and she was pulling on my fur so hard that an instinctual part of me actually wanted to shake her off.

I howled as Victoria chased us through the woods and I frantically tried to reach the pack through the telepathy we shared.

_Sam, you guys - head to the Swans'. I could use some help here!_

_Jake? What's going on?_ Sam answered my thought right away, but I didn't have time to be relieved. I was running flat out, and it wasn't fast enough.

_We've got a vamp. I'm heading east, but I'm carrying Bella and I can't go that fast. Hurry up!_

I dodged around a tree and Bella let out a little squeal. We came out in a small clearing, and I bounded ahead, hoping to make up a few seconds and get a slightly bigger lead on her. I must have misjudged how close she was, though; because I felt a cold, hard hand close around my tail then and all my insides slammed against each other as I was yanked back in the opposite direction and sent flying. My last thought before hitting the tree was _Oh shit._

Then everything went black.

When I woke up, I had a splitting headache and a bad feeling in my gut. Bella was safe at least; I saw that immediately. At least there was that. I was so pissed at myself for my failure that I couldn't imagine what I would have done if the pack hadn't gotten there quickly enough. She and Sam sat and waited with me while Leah went to get me some clothes.

I wasn't surprised when she came back with the most humiliating thing she could find, and I wasn't surprised when everyone had a good laugh over it. I just counted myself lucky that Bella didn't own anything with lace or ruffles.

What did surprise me was when Bella was telling her side of the story and Sam asked her at what point Edward Cullen had shown up. I cursed myself for dropping the ball. So the pack hadn't shown after all, and Bella's ex had saved her? _Great._

I watched her face closely when she talked about him, but for once, I couldn't tell what she was thinking at all. She looked worried, and deep in thought, but that was all. Maybe she was just in shock. What had he said to her? How much did she know?

I was too angry at myself to be much use; either to comfort her or give Sam more information. Besides, I had missed everything, apparently. _Thank goodness **Edward** had been around_, I thought bitterly. I bristled at the idea of having to be grateful to a vampire for anything, but I couldn't really deny that Bella would be dead now if it wasn't for him. _Dammit._

On the walk home, the banter dried up fast and she went quiet for a long time. It was driving me crazy – I needed to know what was going on in that head of hers. The way Bella thought sometimes blew my mind.

I tried bringing up Cullen, but she stayed mute. Her eyebrows knitted together just a little, but she didn't show any other sign that she even heard me.

“Listen, I'm sorry. I should have done a better job protecting you.” I said in a rush, “It shouldn't have come to that, she just got lucky. If he hadn't been _lurking_ around like a stalker, I would have smelled her! I....” her expression changed then, going quickly from sympathy to comprehension, and then carefully controlled anger.

So he hadn't said anything after all. _Shit_. What now? But there was no time to backpedal – she had jumped on my slip like a mountain lion on a deer.

“What did you say?” She asked. I didn't answer – I didn't want to dig myself in any deeper. “Edward was here, and you knew about it? And you didn't _say_ anything? You didn't think that was something that I had a right to know?”  
Bella was yelling now, which was not something she did very often. I had never seen her this pissed. It figured – she wouldn't get mad at him; not for leaving, not for coming back without telling her and basically stalking her; oh no, not her precious Edward.

Of course it was me she got mad at. Just because I didn't tell her he was here? _You've got to be fucking kidding me_ , I thought. If I had kept anything from her, it was only to protect her. I was only ever thinking of her. And she didn't get it. She probably never would.

By the time we got to the porch, I was upset already and shaking a little. I tried to stay calm. Hell, I was trying to calm her down.

“I'm sorry, Bella.”

“Tell me one thing.” she asked, quiet again. “When? How long has he been back and how long have you known?”

I looked at her, and I saw a choice in front of me. I could lie, and she would probably never know – I hated Cullen on general principles, but I somehow got the sense now that he wouldn't rat me out…

Or I could tell her the truth. I knew which one she'd prefer, but she wasn't going to like it.

Her brown eyes bored into me as she waited for an answer. _Fine_. “March,” I said. That's when she lost it.

“Since _March_? He's been here, doing...what? Lurking? Spying on us? _For four months? And you knew the whole time?_ ”

She ran inside and slammed the door in my face. I stood on the porch in those ridiculous pants, shaking and trying to control myself until I was sure that Charlie had followed her upstairs, and then I phased and ran back to the clearing.

Embry and I got there at almost the same time. Sam looked at me questioningly for a moment, then seemed to think better of it. He turned to Embry.

“Did you catch up to him?”

“Yeah,” Embry nodded, panting a little. “He was at their house. He says he's planning to stay in the area, and that his family will be coming back too. He said he assumes the treaty is still in effect? Oh, and he said to tell you thanks for not interfering with him these last few months.”

Embry cut his eyes at me. I hadn't changed back to human; I was just sitting there growling deep in my throat, flexing my claws a little.

“He said he knew he was stepping on some toes, but that he couldn't have lived with himself if anything had happened to her, and he appreciates us not trying to run him off.” Embry continued.

Sam nodded. “Well, Forks is neutral territory. He has as much right to be here as we do, according to the treaty. As long as they stay out of La Push and don't bite anyone, I don't have a problem. Sorry, Jake.”

I grunted. I understood his position, but personally, I wanted to have a word with Edward Cullen. As far as I was concerned, he was not welcome here. Of course, he probably knew that.

“Alright guys. Let's go get some shuteye.” Sam stood, stripped and phased. He knew what I was up to instantly. It must have been clear as day in my brain.

_No, Jacob. I forbid it. Don't confront him. You're too upset. It's been a long night. Go home._ The strange double timbre of the Alpha's command echoed in my head. I hated Sam for it, but I had no choice to obey.

Bella was even madder than I had realized. She didn't answer my calls for the next two weeks. I sent messages through Charlie, but I had no way of knowing if she got them, because she didn't answer.

I ran around her house at night sometimes, but the window was always shut.


	14. Frailties

I spent the next couple of weeks in a carefully controlled state of panic. If Charlie noticed anything strange about my behavior, he didn't mention it and most likely chalked it up to my fight with Jake. I threw myself into the housework more wholeheartedly than ever before, staying busy for as long as possible.

In the evenings, I sat with my father while he watched sports. A couple of times, Charlie offered to watch something else with me, but football was safe. I was still careful about what I watched, and even so; I stayed only until it was late enough that I could excuse myself without my dad wondering if there was something wrong with me.

Music, too, was pretty much still off the table. Even after a few days of near-solitude in my house; I hadn't gathered the courage to listen to the cd under the floorboards.

The picture, however, I had taken out of its hiding place. I smoothed the crease down the middle of the photograph that separated the images of he and I, and pinned it to my bulletin board. It would hurt every time I saw it, but that pain was part of who I was now, and it didn't matter what anyone else thought about it.

Alone, in my room; I paced. Edward had been back in town for four months, according to Jacob. Was he back for good, or, now that Victoria had been dealt with and he didn't feel he owed me anything, would he go back to his "distractions"? And why didn't anyone warn me? Did they think I couldn't handle the news? Had I really seemed that psychotic?

I didn't dwell on the answer to that last question. I was sure that Jacob would never have told me that Edward was here unless he was definitely staying. He wouldn't want to upset me unless there was a need.

I knew that I wouldn't be mad at Jake forever. He only ever wanted to protect me, I was certain of it. But he had looked me in the face every day for half a year and lied to me, and I couldn't even look at him yet. He kept calling and dictating messages to Charlie that read like this:

Bella,  
I'm sorry. I should have told you the truth -  
I just didn't know how to do it without  
upsetting you. Please call me, Bells.  
I miss you.

Thankfully, Charlie refrained from editorializing the messages, but even without his opinion, I knew it was only a matter of time before I forgave Jacob. I just wasn't ready yet. Edward wasn't staying, and eventually, this would be water under the bridge – albeit, another painful reminder that, while I was doing my best, my heart was elsewhere and I was living a lie.

I thought about the night Edward had killed Victoria constantly. It was permanently engraved on my memory. Unlike my earlier memories of him, which were all colored now with the grief and doubt that had followed his departure, this one was a shining reminder that he was real, and that he cared about me – at least enough to save me. Even if it was only a fraction of what I felt for him, I was alive, and that was proof enough.

I remembered that night and how I had wished I could span the few inches between where we stood. It had seemed an impossible distance. I remembered how like an avenging angel he had looked in the firelight – black eyes burning, bronze hair blown back in the breeze. I remembered how sad his porcelain face had seemed when he said my name, and tried not to think about how these visions, too; would become fresh wounds when I never saw Edward again.

I shook myself, as if to dispel a dream. I could feel myself getting obsessed with him all over again. It was just like when I had first come to forks – except now who and what he was was no longer the mystery. I knew all of his secrets except one – what the hell was he doing here, anyway? What had happened to “It'll be as if I never existed?”  
And since he was here, I amended the question in my head; why hadn't he spoken to me? I had seen him here and there around town; always from a distance. Across the street, or the parking lot, or whatever. At the grocery store, in the library. On leaving the latter one day, I found a piece of paper fluttering from under my truck’s windshield wiper. As soon as I felt the heavy linen rag of the paper, I knew who it was from. The lovely familiar script confirmed it. On the paper was a Shakespearean sonnet. 

O, never say that I was false of heart,  
Though absence seemed my flame to qualify.  
As easy might I from my self depart  
As from my soul which in thy breast doth lie.  
That is my home of love; if I have ranged,  
Like him that travels I return again,  
Just to the time, not with the time exchanged,  
So that myself bring water for my stain.  
Never believe though in my nature reigned  
All frailties that besiege all kinds of blood,  
That it could so preposterously be stained  
To leave for nothing all thy sum of good;  
For nothing this wide universe I call  
Save thou, my rose, in it thou art my all.

Reflexively, I crumpled the paper in my fist. I got into the truck and drove for a long time, in long circles through the mountainous terrain that I probably shouldn’t have, considering how ancient a vehicle I was driving, but I didn’t care. I needed to clear my mind. The paper sat next to me in the passenger seat like an unanswered question. When I was calm enough, I drove back into town and went to the grocery store. Whatever else was going on, Charlie would want to eat tonight.


	15. Alice

It took me a lot longer than usual to do the shopping, even though my list wasn’t very long. I was flustered; distracted, thinking about Edward. I didn't even notice when Alice Cullen slipped into line beside me.

“Hi, Bella!” she said brightly when I turned her way, startling me and making me jump. She giggled.

“Oh my god, Alice!” I threw my arms around her. I was so happy to see her. I'd forgotten how _hard_ she was. It was like hugging a statue. She looked just the same as ever, petite and perfect in the skinniest of dark jeans and a lacy top in a rich shade of eggplant that gave her porcelain skin a subtle illusion of warmth.   
Her skin may not have been warm, but her voice was as she asked “Are you okay, Bella?” She was looking at me closely. I tried to deflect by focusing on unloading my cart onto the conveyor belt. I was starting to crack again and Alice could see it. It was just – I had missed her so badly. I had missed all of them. And now they were here. Just like that. And I was supposed to just go back to normal?

“Oh, no. You _are_ upset. I wish Jazz was here.” Jasper, Alice's partner; had the gift of being able to affect the moods of those around him. Though I usually hated it when Jasper used his skills on me, I couldn't help but think that right now, I wouldn't mind. I laughed a little as I wiped my eyes, which had started to water in spite of me.

“Alice, can I ask you something?” She looked at me warily, but nodded.

“Why did you come back?”

Alice hesitated before answering, “Edward asked us to.” She didn't meet my eyes.

“You know that isn't what I meant.” I said. “It's just....I didn't think I would ever see...” I trailed off, at a loss for words. The tears were welling in my eyes again and I looked down at the frozen lasagna I was holding as Alice patted my back and sighed.

“I don't think that I'm the one you need to hear this from, Bella; but my brother loves you. I don't think you have any idea how much.”  
I snorted a little and shook my head and she pressed on.

“He truly believed that leaving would be the best thing for you in the long run. I think he was wrong, and I think he sees that now, but everything he's done has been with your best interests at heart.”

I didn't say anything, so Alice changed the subject without really changing it at all. “So how have things been?”

Our eyes met, and I knew she could see the truth in them, so I said only. “It was getting better. Or at least, I was getting used to the way things were. Been spending a lot of time down at La Push.” I paused, unsure of how much to tell her; and then forged ahead, throwing caution to the wind.

“Do you remember my friend Jacob Black?” She looked unsure, and I didn't wait for her to respond. “We were sort of...going out, I guess.”

“Oh.” said Alice. She sounded surprised, and I wondered why she hadn't seen this coming. Her brow furrowed and she crinkled her nose. “Were?”

“We're kind of fighting right now.” I didn't elaborate, and Alice didn't press the issue. She said simply,

“Do what's right for you, Bella. Just be happy.....and let me take you shopping this weekend, okay? That sweater is awful!”

She giggled at my lack of fashion sense as I looked down at the oversized turtleneck I was wearing, and suddenly; things were back to normal – between she and I, anyway. Things might not ever be right with Edward, but at least I had my friend back.

“So what have you been up to lately?” I asked, eager to stop talking about myself.

“Oh, not too much.” She said lightly. “I did a little personal research. I tracked down the asylum...my name was Mary Alice Brandon.” She told me quietly, “I had a little sister named Cynthia. Her daughter – my niece – is still alive in Biloxi.”

“Did you find out why they put you in...that place?”

Alice had spent the last years of her human life, which she now had no memory of, in a mental institution. What would drive parents to that extreme? Even if their daughter saw visions of the future…

She just shook her head, her topaz eyes thoughtful. “I couldn't find much about them. I went through all the old newspapers on microfiche. My family wasn't mentioned often; they weren't part of the social circle that made the papers. My parents' engagement was there, and Cynthia's.” The name fell uncertainly from her tongue.”My birth was announced...and my death. I found my grave. I also filched my admissions sheet from the old asylum archives. The date of my admission and the date on my tombstone are the same.”

I didn't know what to say, and after a short pause, she moved on, telling me about the rest of her family. “We spent some time in Denali, and then Ithaca – Carlisle was teaching part time at Cornell and Esme was restoring an old house north of the city. Jasper was studying philosophy. Rose and Emmett got married... _again_.” Alice rolled her eyes just a little, but she laughed sweetly and her affection for her “siblings” was obvious.

She hesitated for a moment, looking as though she was about to say something else, but then the guy who was working the cash register was telling me my total and instead said, “We'll talk more later, Bella. I'll pick you up this evening, okay?

I nodded, and the rest of the day passed in a blur while I tried to decide how best to break the news to Charlie. By the time I had gotten home, I still hadn't come up with anything. Alice was due any minute, so I steeled myself and called him at the station. He picked up on the first ring.

“Hi, Dad.”

“Bella? What's wrong?

“Nothing's wrong. Can't I call you at work without it being an emergency?”  
“You never have before...so what's up?”

“I just wanted to let you know I was going out. You know, so you don't worry....there's lasagna in the freezer, so you should be good for dinner...”

Charlie cut me off, and he sounded relieved. “That's all right, Bella. You go on. It's about time you and Jake made up. Maybe I'll come over later and see Billy. There's a game on tonight.”

I winced, and quickly corrected his assumption. “No, Dad; I haven't actually talked to Jacob. I was going to go..uh...shopping.” I trailed off lamely.

“Shopping? You?” In my minds' eye, I could see my father’s dark eyebrow lift with skepticism.

“Well, I was ran into Alice at the store today, and she wanted to catch up, and well; you know Alice, so yeah....shopping.”

There was silence on the other end of the phone, and then a low grumble that, if I hadn't known better, I would have sworn was a growl. Then Charlie said, “Are they....? Is....” But he trailed off, unable to finish.

“Yes, the Cullens are back in town. And no; he isn't going with us.”

At least, I thought with a twinge of panic, I didn't _think_ so. Alice wouldn't just spring that on me, I was pretty sure. My stomach twisted in panic for a moment anyway.

“Well, then...I guess that's allright...” Charlie sounded conflicted. He had always liked Alice, and he definitely thought I needed to get out more, but I could tell that he was less than thrilled at the idea of Edward being back in town, much less me hanging out with his family or anywhere he might show up. “Be careful, okay Bells? You still got that pepper spray?”

“Yeah, Dad. I've gotta go. She's here.” I hung up just as Rosalie Hale's red convertible pulled into the driveway with Alice behind the wheel.

As we sped towards Port Angeles, Alice started questioning me again.  
“So...tell me about Jacob. I tried to get the dirt from Edward, but you can't ask him anything these days!”

“What do you mean?” I wondered.

“I told him I had heard you were seeing someone and asked what he thought of him...and...well, he _might_ have put his fist through Emmett's T.V.  
So I'm guessing it's either really good or really bad, huh?”

She cast a conspiratorial sideways glance at me and giggled a little.

“Really both, I guess...” I struggled to find the words. “I mean, you were gone and he...he was pretty much my best friend – I don't know what I would have done without him. But he lied to me – a lot, for a long time...i just don't know, Alice.” She nodded sympathetically, and patted my knee.

“You'll figure it out, Bella. But what's he like? I can't get a fix on him, and it's driving me crazy. I should be able to see him, since I've been looking out for your future, but when I try, it all just goes blank! It's annoying...you said he lives out at La Push?” a shadow crossed her face, and she looked as though she was deep in thought.

I was surprised that Edward hadn't told her everything already, but figured it was okay if I did. Even though it wasn't my secret, if there was anyone I could trust, it was Alice. Besides, it would be nice to be able to confide in someone.

“Well, he's funny, and good with cars, and....he's kind of a werewolf.”

“A werewolf?”

“Some of the Quileutes turn into wolves when there are vampires around. They know Carlisle from a long time ago. Were you with Carlisle back then?”

“No, I hadn't found him yet. Edward was right – you _are_ a magnet for danger. Weren't you supposed to be staying out of trouble?”

“There's nothing wrong with werewolves.” I grumbled, stung by her critical tone.

“Until they lose their tempers” She shook her head sharply from side to side. “Leave it to you, Bella. Anyone else would be better off when the vampires left town. But you have to get involved with the first monster you can find.”

I didn't want to argue with Alice – I was still trembling with joy that she was really, truly here, that I could touch her marble skin and hear her wind-chime voice – but she had it all wrong.

“No, Alice, the vampires didn't really leave – not all of them, anyway. That's the whole trouble. Laurent would have killed me months ago, if it wasn't for Jake and his friends. Victoria too, probably; although it was Edward that saved me from her. But that's why Jacob and I are fighting – he's known Edward was here all these months and kept it from me.”

“Laurent? Victoria?” She hissed. “Wait, Edward has been back in Forks for _months?_ I knew he was tracking Victoria, but not here! He hasn't told me _anything!”_

I nodded, a teensy bit alarmed by the expression in her eyes. She shook her head again. “Tell me everything – start at the beginning.”

She listened to my story without interrupting. Occasionally, she would shake her head, and the crease in her forehead deepened until it looked like it was carved permanently into the marble of her skin. She didn't speak, and finally, I fell quiet.

“So, it sounds like things were getting pretty serious with the werewolf.” She said finally. I shrugged and continued looking out the window. “I guess that explains a lot. Oh, Bella; what are we going to do with you?”

I shrugged again and sniffled. “Wish I had an answer to that.”

“Well,” she said, smiling again as she parked the car in front of a boutique, “Let's start with a new wardrobe. The boys might not be bothered by your lack of sartorial sense, but I for one, am mortally offended.”  
I tried to protest as she dragged me from shop to shop, but Alice wouldn't hear of it.

“What good is knowing what the stock market is going to do beforehand if you can't use your skills to spoil the ones you love? Come on, Bella; indulge me!” she insisted, and by the time she was done with me, I did indeed have an entirely new wardrobe and the back of the M3 was stuffed with bags.


	16. Family

We were almost back to Forks when Alice glanced over at me. “I have an idea – you should come back to the house! Just for a minute – everyone would love to see you, Bella; and I just saw that Edward would be out hunting for at least a couple of hours! Please? Please, Bella? Say yes.”

“Ummm, okay, I guess. Are you sure they want to see me? I mean, Rosalie? Jasper?” He _had_ tried to kill me the last time I had seen him, after all…

“Jasper will be fine, Bella. He's really sorry for what happened. He wants to see you so he can apologize. And don't worry about Rosalie. You know how Rose is. Esme and Carlisle will be so happy!”

Alice sounded so excited, I couldn't help but be affected by her enthusiasm. Edward and Alice were not the only members of their family that I loved. She turned down the driveway, which was nearly invisible in the dark; and my heart skipped a beat.

The huge white house was just as I remembered it from happier times – brightly lit and inviting. I followed meekly as Alice tripped up the steps to the door and slipped inside. Everything was just the same as it had been – even Edward's piano, destroyed on my birthday – ages ago, it seemed; had been replaced. It was as though the past months had never happened.

We heard them before we saw them. The Cullen/Hale family was gathered around Esme's antique dining room table, with the exception of Edward, who; true to Alice's word, was gone.

“Carlisle, I know you and he go back quite a ways, but I don't for one second believe that Aro would come all the way from Volterra just for a friendly visit. Especially since he chose to bring Jane and Felix. Those too aren't the friendliest,” drawled a deep voice.

“Ha! I wish they _woulda_ tried something! I'd take any excuse to fight either one of those assholes.” chimed in another. We were in the doorway when Carlisle finally spoke, but he was at the head of the table and had his back to us. 

“I don't want us to think of this _visitation_ as an act of aggression. Yet. Aro has given us no proof that he and the rest of the Volturi mean us harm. Yet I agree, Jasper – this smacks of a reconnaissance mission. He never acts without the hope of gaining something by the action. The question is, what do they want?”

Esme was on her feet before he had finished his thought and was quietly hugging me and patting my hair as Rosalie continued the conversation. “What they want is no trouble from us. We should go back to Ithaca. We never should have left! Edward is going to drag us all down because he can't decide what he wants. I say we leave him to it. He can rejoin us when he gets a clue.”

“Easy, babe. Nice kitty.” said Emmett. Rosalie glared at him.

Carlisle didn't answer her – he had risen to his feet and joined us in the doorway. “Bella. This is a lovely surprise. It's so good to see you. I hope you are doing well?”

“As well as can be expected.” I said with a shrug, and smiled unevenly.

“I feel we owe you an apology, Bella,” said Carlisle, taking my shaking hands in his cold ones. “For the abruptness with which we left. You must understand we had our reasons.” I nodded, and Esme embraced me again.

“We were so sorry to leave you, dear.” She said kindly. “As far as we're concerned, you're still part of the family.”

“Yeah, Bella. _We_ all still like you – who cares what Edward thinks?” teased Emmett.

“That brings me back to my point,” said Carlisle, who turned back to them as Alice fetched a chair and we joined them around the table. 

“Whatever our differences and disagreements, we are a family, Rosalie; and we must stick together. Now more than ever. And whether of not you approve or agree, Bella is included. Aro's interest in her troubles me.”

“In me? The Volturi are interested in me? Why?”

“Forgive me Bella. Allow me to explain. How much do you know about the Volturi?”

“Edward called them patrons of the arts. He said you used to live with them.” I hesitated, and Carlisle went on.

“I did, for a time. They are a large and powerful coven, and they have no regard whatsoever for life. Aro is one of the coven's three ruling members, and he is ambitious. He's a collector – one of the reasons they are so powerful is that Aro hand-picks his retinue from vampires with especially impressive special abilities. He has had his eye on Alice and Edward for some time already.”

“I knew he was coming,” chirped Alice. That's why Edward and I made it a point to be out. Thanks for being my alibi, Bella!”

“Darlin', you are a force to be reckoned with,” said Jasper; and he leaned over to kiss her. They looked so happy together that it hurt.

“Pretty sneaky, sis.” said Emmett, but Rosalie was still glowering, arms crossed.

“I have little doubt he would have tried to convince you to join him had you been here, Alice – either of you. But unfortunately, his trip may have been a productive one anyway, as far as he is concerned.” continued Carlisle, “I am afraid there was no preventing him using his own power – you see, Bella; Aro is a powerful psychic. His power is similar in many ways to Edwards', but Aro can read more than just the thoughts in one's mind at any given moment. He can read every thought a mind has ever had, instantly.”

My eyes widened. What did this mean?

“He must be touching his subject for the power to work, but there is no refusing him. Particularly so, given our history. If I hadn't taken his hand, he would have interpreted that as a declaration of animosity. The Volturi already see us as a potential threat – besides themselves, we are the largest coven currently in existence. When you consider our alliance with the Denali coven; and the fact that our abstention from drinking from humans allows us to form much closer bonds than other vampires are capable of...well, I worry that the Volturi might come to believe we will cause trouble for them because of my feelings about their...lifestyle. Which brings me to you, Bella.”

“You said that he was interested in , _me_.” It wasn't a question.

“Yes, I'm afraid so. He learned the whole story from my mind. As I said, I'm sorry, but it was unavoidable. Initially, he was for finding and killing you immediately, Bella; which of course, we would have done all in our power to prevent. You know far too much for the Volturi's comfort – they believe in keeping the secret of our existence above all else. But one detail caught Aro's attention. The fact that Edward cannot read your mind – he is curious about any latent abilities you might possess.”

“How is my brain not working right an ability?” I had always been convinced that Edward couldn't hear my thoughts because they were on a different frequency from those of other humans, not that blocking my thoughts was any kind of skill. After all, I didn't try to do it. Carlisle smiled warmly at me.

“There is nothing the matter with your brain, Bella. And we have no way of knowing if Aro's curiosity will prove strong enough for him to act on. I think that I've managed to convince him that we intend for you to join our family and that you will keep our mutual secret. If we are lucky, he will forget all about it for the time being and not grace us with his presence again anytime soon.”

“And if we aren't lucky?”

“Well, let's not dwell on it for the moment. We'll keep a close eye on you, Bella. Don't worry. But you need to be apprised of the situation so that you can behave accordingly. I believe Aro and his companions have returned to Italy, but all the same, it would be wise to be cautious. And please let your friends on the reservation know the situation, and send my regards.” Carlisle finished politely.

I wondered if his gracious manners had more to do with the fact that he was over four hundred years old, or the fact that he was English. All that mattered was the result. Anyone that spoke with Carlisle couldn't help but like him. The politeness combined with his overwhelming sincerity was a potent combination. I could imagine him talking even the leader of the Volturi out of anything easily. He had told Aro that we wanted me to join this family. He would never lie. It meant so much to me.

“Thanks, Carlisle.” He smiled again, and nodded serenely, and Alice rose to her feet.

“We'd better be getting Bella home now. We're late.” She grabbed my arm and started pulling me toward the door.

“Bye, everyone!” I called halfheartedly over my shoulder, confused and disappointed at not being allowed a more thorough goodbye. The reason for the rush soon became apparent, and it was clear that we hadn't been quick enough for Alice. There, in the doorway, we came face to face with Edward, He kept his eyes down and ran a hand nervously through his thick bronze hair.  
I sighed, and it came out much louder and more ragged than I would have liked. My breath caught in my throat and my heart skipped a beat or two. He looked up suddenly, taking me aback. His brow was furrowed and he looked angry. Or hungry, though his eyes were golden. I gulped and withered a little under his gaze and Alice looked nervously back and forth between us.

“Hello.” he said quietly.

“Hi.” And then the longest silence ever.

We just stood there looking at each other until finally, Alice gave my arm another tug and said, “Okay, see you _later_ , Edward! Some of us have curfews!” And skipped off into the night, towing me behind her. On the ride home I lapsed into silence, which was immediately shattered by Alice.

“You know, Bella; I love my brother more than almost anyone else in this world, but he drives me insane sometimes!” I looked at her questioningly. “He's too decent for _anyone's_ good, much less his own.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, I don't know, it's just – he's _so_ worried about doing the right thing all the time that, he usually ends up doing the wrong thing anyway because he just doesn't do _anything_. It's so stupid! Does this make any sense at all?”

I nodded slowly as we pulled up in front of Charlie's house. I thought maybe I knew what she meant.  
Alice helped me carry the shopping bags up the steps and as I was opening the door she asked, “Bella? What's that smell?”

I turned and was asking “What smell?” when we came into the living room. When I saw Alice drop her bags in surprise, I spun around to see my father. With him, sitting on the couch; was Jacob.


	17. Just Tell Me What You're Thinking. It's Not Like I Can Read Your Mind.

It was over two weeks since Bella had talked to me, and I was getting desperate. I left notes with Charlie, but it was no use. I wasn't about to go down without a fight, but it was starting to feel like I had already lost her. I knew she was hurt, but she had to see me sometime. I was starting to get nervous about the bloodsucker. I wondered what story he was spinning to get her to take him back. He was a smooth talker, I had to give him that much. He was probably feeding her line after line, and Bella was just trusting enough to be taken in. She needed protection, whether she knew it or not. 

My paranoia was only made worse by the fact that there were new, unfamiliar vampires in town. What were the Cullens up to? Determined to find out, I showed up on her doorstep at dinnertime.

I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when Charlie answered the door and told me she was off with Alice Cullen. Shopping. Motherfucker. She was with _him_ , wasn't she? Of course she was. My face fell and Charlie pulled me into the house.

“Have a seat, kid. Game's just getting' started.” I sat on the couch. Charlie went to the fridge for a beer. “You want one?”

“What is this? Entrapment?” He laughed, running a finger across his 'stache and looking embarrassed.

“Nah. Forgot how young you are. Hell, the offer stands. You didn't drive, did you?”

“Uh-uh. Felt like running.” Charlie tossed me a can of Ranier.  
“You ran from La Push? Huh. No wonder you're in such good shape. I was thinkin' about taking up jogging. You want some lasagna? I didn't make it.”

“Sure, Charlie. Thanks.” He dished us each up a big piece and joined me in front of the flatscreen, where he started eating and stopped talking. The lasagna was great. Bella was an awesome cook. She probably didn't get that from him. Charlie didn't say another word until the second quarter. Then he perked up suddenly and asked, “How's your dad?”

“He’s all right. You know, he gets by.” Charlie nodded seriously, and said, “I know your Dad depends on you a lot, Jake. You're a good son.”

“Thanks.”

He fell silent again and I remembered my Dad telling me how Charlie and Bella's mom had split up – that he'd refused to leave Forks. His parents had been old and sick, and he'd stayed to take care of them and sacrificed his own happiness. And Bella was out with _them_. Couldn't she see that _we_ were her family?

Two minutes into the third quarter, the Mariners were getting creamed, and Bella walked in, followed by the little dark-haired vamp. They both had a ton of shopping bags – they must have spent a fortune on her. How the hell was I supposed to compete with that?

The vampire took one look at me, dropped her bags, and made a quick exit. She said “Oh! I see you have company! Well, goodnight!” and hurried off, muttering “Why couldn't I see him? Is it some kind of werewolf thing?”

“Hey, Jake.” Bella said. Charlie sat back down and went back to watching the game.

“Can I talk to you?” I asked. She was still standing in the same place, with all the shopping bags on the floor around her. She nodded. “In private?” She blinked and then started picking up the bags. I helped her, then followed her up to her room. 

When the door was closed, I told her, “Listen, Bella, I'm sorry that I lied to you. I'm sorry. But it was in your best interests that I did it. It would be better if you never saw him again.”

She looked thoughtful. “Tell me something. Why is it that whenever someone does something really stupid, they say it's in my best interest?”  
Her brown eyes had a gleam in them that I didn't recognize.

“In what way is it stupid that I don't want you to die? That's what'll happen, you know. Either way you're dead, Bells. Maybe he'll need a snack one day, or else he'll make you what he is, which is worse.”

“That isn't true.”

“ _You could have a life with me!_ ” I burst out. “All he can do is kill you.”

I grabbed her arms. “Look at me, Bella.” I said, shaking her a little. “You can't die. I won't let you. I love you, Bells.” I bent to kiss her, and she turned her head, just a little. It was enough. “Are you back with him _already_? My voice broke a little. You saw him tonight, didn't you?”

“Yes, but I'm not....I do love you, Jake, but....”

“But you love him more.”

“I'm confused!” She covered her face in her hands. “When I figure out what I want, I'll let you know.” She sank onto the bed, her face still buried. I bent and kissed the top of her head.

“He's dead, Bella. You can't give up your humanity to be with him. I'm the one you should be with. We belong together.” She didn't answer and I left her there, and went out the front door, calling “See you around, Charlie!” behind me. Bella came running out behind me looking panicked. I turned around, hopeful until I saw her, distractedly wringing her hands on the porch.

“I almost forgot to tell you. There are others.....”

“We know. Thanks to the population boom, the pack has two new members.”

“Really? Who? Quil?” My friend Quil Aterea had been really disturbed by all the secrecy since Embry and then I had become werewolves. He was delighted to be in on the fun now.

“And Seth Clearwater.” They were turning younger and younger now. We were running out of guys that weren't werewolves.  
“Wow. That's crazy. But the vampires - they aren't vegetarians. Carlisle thinks...they might be interested in me.”

“Isn't everyone?” I asked a little bitterly, and she flinched. “Don't worry, the treaty is still in effect no matter what you choose.” She nodded, but didn't say anything. I took that as a sign that I could go, and I ran off into the night, not sure where I was going.


	18. Epiphany

When Jacob left, I stumbled back up to my room, emotionally drained. I busied myself with unpacking and putting away the spoils of our shopping trip and let my mind wander.

Alice had gone way overboard, as usual. As we had worked our way through store after store, I had paid little attention to the way she had flitted around me at speeds that pushed the boundaries of what was normal for a human. As she had whirled around the shops, taking advantage of my distraction, she had told me stories about the Cullens – how they had gotten together, past adventures, anything to keep me from noticing just how much she was spending and the kinds of things she was picking out.

Sweaters, pants, a few dresses that I wasn't sure I would ever wear, even shoes and some very feminine underthings that were racier and lacier than anything I would have picked for myself; There wasn't anything, apparently, that Alice didn't think of. I put the clothes away, and flopped down on my bed to think.

I should have been worried about the Volturi. I should have been thinking about what Jacob had said. I was hurting him as much or more than he had ever hurt me, and it wasn't fair to him. His heart was in the right place. I shouldn't leave him hanging when mine was somewhere else.  
Because that was the problem. I wasn't thinking about these things. My mind kept coming back to that moment in the Cullens' foyer and what Alice had said afterwards.

She knew him better than anyone and she was sure that he had left me, not because he didn't care; but because he agreed with Jacob that he wasn't good enough for me; that I deserved a normal human life and the best that he could do for me was give me a chance to have it. And maybe I did deserve that. But it wasn't what I wanted. Edward might not want to be with me, but I wanted him more than ever.

If by some miracle, Alice was right; then everything I had thought these last months was wrong. It all made sense, suddenly. Seen from this angle, all his actions of the last months made perfect sense. Of course it had never made sense for him to love me in the first place – but if he did, it would explain the coldness and the abrupt departure, the secretive return and stalking, the starving so that he'd be there when my life needed saving, even the glare last night when my heart had skipped a beat. It was as if he'd disapproved of my reaction to him.

Well, he had better get used to it, because it didn't show any signs of changing. I got up and went to the loose floorboard that concealed the few tangible pieces of evidence that I had of my time with Edward. I had to listen to that CD. The urge was overpowering.

I popped it into the player and turned it up, bracing myself. But the music didn't make me feel sad. As I listened to Edward play the lullaby he had written for me, every note seemed infused with feeling and I became more and more sure that I was right, that Alice was on to something, that he did still love me (maybe), and that he was keeping his distance because he had some idea that I wanted or needed that. It was just the sort of noble, self-sacrificing, stupid thing he would do.

I went to the closet and picked out an outfit to wear the next day. It wasn't something I normally did, but if I knew Alice, she had a reason for dressing me up, and you'd never catch me betting against her.

I set out a soft, slinky sweater dress in Edward's favorite shade of royal blue. It was a little short for the season, so I put aside a pair of tall leather boots to go with it. Then I sat down at my desk to write. When I couldn't find the words, I opened a book and borrowed them, just as he’d done.


	19. Reunion

I woke up early; as soon as Charlie's squad car pulled away from the house, I was busy. I chopped up the contents of a stew and put them in the crock pot to simmer until Charlie came home. I cleaned the kitchen, did a load of laundry, and took a long, hot shower. I was full of nervous energy. I needed to unwind.

When the hot water ran out, I dried my hair and dressed. I hesitated over my underwear drawer for a moment, and then shrugged inwardly and selected one of the lacier sets of undergarments. They were a little intimidating, but it just seemed wrong somehow to wear a sports bra underneath a dress. Something told me that Alice would never let that slide.  
Once dressed, I drove to the Cullens’, with the intention of putting my response to Edward’s poem in the mailbox and then leaving. I parked at the top of the long driveway and pulled out the folded square of paper, dropping it as I did so.

Cursing my clumsiness, I reached down for it – and so did he. He had come out of nowhere. For a split second, our fingers touched and I felt that same electric shock that had been there when we first met; the same shock of attraction. A lot of things had changed, but this would never be one of them.

He could feel it too – it was obvious. I watched him with my heart in my throat as he unfolded and read my note. I had decided to keep it simple, finally. Scribbled onto the page was another poem, this one by Lord Byron.

I watched thee when the foe was at our side  
Ready to strike at him, or thee and me  
Were safety hopeless rather than divide  
Aught with one loved, save love and liberty.

I watched thee in the breakers when the rock  
Received our prow and all was storm and fear  
And bade thee cling to me through every shock  
This arm would be thy bark or breast thy bier.

I watched thee when the fever glazed thine eyes  
Yielding my couch, and stretched me on the ground  
When overworn with watching, ne'er to rise  
From thence, if thou an early grave hadst found.

The Earthquake came and rocked the quivering wall  
And men and Nature reeled as if with wine  
Whom did I seek around the tottering Hall  
For thee, whose safety first provide for thine.

And when convulsive throes denied my breath  
The faintest utterance to my fading thought  
To thee, to thee, even in the grasp of death  
My spirit turned. Ah! oftener than it ought.

Thus much and more, and yet thou lov'st me not,  
And never wilt, Love dwells not in our will  
Nor can I blame thee, though it be my lot  
To strongly, wrongly, vainly, love thee still.  
Unable to watch his reaction, I turned away until I felt the gentle press of him behind me, and heard his smooth voice at my ear.

“I need to talk to you. Do you want to go somewhere?”

I nodded, but didn't turn around. I waited while he pulled the truck off to the side of the driveway so as not to block it, and meekly allowed him to lead me to his silver Volvo instead. “Buckle your seatbelt,” He said as I climbed in. He waited and watched me as I complied, and I caught him staring for a moment at my leg, where the fabric of the dress had been pushed up on my thigh. I smoothed it down, and Edward busied himself with starting the car and pulling out onto the road.

We didn't discuss where we were going – I assumed Edward had some place in mind. It didn't matter. At long last, I was with him again. Even if it was only for an hour, this was my chance. I had to know the truth. But I couldn't come right out and ask him. Not yet. 

“You said we needed to talk. So talk.”

“Bella, there is something I need you to know. When I left....”

“Yes?” I waited with bated breath for him to say what I was dying; what I _would_ have died to hear.

“I lied to you.”

“Oh.”

It was quiet in the car for a long time as we flew down the road. I had nearly forgotten how fast he drove. Whether he was waiting for me to say something, I don't know, but it was a full fifteen minutes before he spoke again. I watched his hands in silence, unable to look at his face. His white fingers clenched around the steering wheel, strained and tense. I wondered how much harder he would have to grip it before it was crumbled to powder between his stone fingers.

Eventually, Edward spoke again. “The part that kills me is how easily you believed me. I'm a good liar – I have to be – but when I told you I didn't love you, even after all we'd been through; you just _bought_ it.”

“It never made sense for you to love me.” I said quietly.

He sighed. “I think now that it was the only thing in my life that ever   
did make sense.”

“What brought that realization on?” I all but whispered. I seemed to have lost my voice.

“Being without you. I lost my reason almost immediately. You can ask my family – I was a wreck.”

I chanced a look at him. “So was I.” I said, and I couldn't keep just a hint of bitterness out of my voice, though I tried to.

“I know. And I hate myself for putting you through that....but at least you were _trying_ to move on. I basically curled up in a ball and let the misery have me.”

“So you know about Jacob...” I had been wondering how I was going to bring that up.

“Of course. It's obvious that you care for one another. And I know he helped you to heal after I hurt you. However I feel towards him on a personal level, I'll always be grateful to him for that. I was trying very hard not to get in the way, but I couldn’t... - How could you think that I never loved you? Oh, if only I could make you understand why I did what I did.”

The car had stopped near the foot of a trail into some forest. I knew now where we were going, and I was out of the car before he had cut the engine off. I met him at his door when he got out.

“I do. I _do_ , Edward. And I don't think that.” I looked up at him fearlessly, mere inches away. It was now or never. “I think I was trying to get a rise out of you with the Byron.”

He raised his eyes, surprised; and then laughed. I did too, but then continued on, “I don't suppose you paid any attention to the rest of it. Because the last part, I meant.”

The look he gave me then was so sad yet so sweet that it took my breath away. He lifted one icy hand and stroked my hair, my face. I leaned into his touch, closing my eyes. It seemed I felt his fragrant breath on my face, and then....

“Shall we?” Edward had drawn away from me a little, and was offering me his back to climb up on. I hadn't anticipated this when I had picked out my outfit. There was no ladylike way to take a piggyback ride in a skirt this short and no way to prevent the dress riding up so that my legs were bare as they wrapped around him and a not insignificant amount of lace was pressed up against the small of his back. I wrapped my arms around him and as his hands hooked around my legs to hold me on, I shivered. It had nothing to do with the temperature.

We were running then, and the cool air whipped my hair back; and I thrilled to the speed in a way I never had in the past. This was better than motorcycles, better than cliffs. This was the happiest I could hope to be.  
When we reached the meadow and Edward let me down, I was breathless. Hastily rearranging myself, I staggered to a moss-covered boulder near the edge of the clearing and sat down. He followed and sat beside me, a little distance away. We were quiet for a moment.

“So...you love me.” I said, finally.

“Without a doubt.” he answered.

“And I love you.”

“So it seems.”

“Then why can't it just be simple? We belong together.” I said it confidently, then winced when I recalled that these were the same words Jake had said to me only the night before.”

“Because it's wrong, Bella. I can't give you the life that you deserve. Loving you is the most selfish thing I've ever done. You should be with Jacob.”

“Stop that!”

“What?'

“Giving up so easily. And never mind what I deserve. What does that _mean_ , anyway? You. Are what. I want. Doesn't that count for anything? Don't I get a say in this? **I'ts _my_ life. **” I had stormed away and the last words echoed through the meadow, because I was suddenly shouting.  
Startled by my own volume, I clamped my mouth shut and waded off through the last of the hardy growth that the cool fall air hadn't yet wilted. Edward followed, a respectful distance behind. The wind picked up and blew the tall grasses all around us.****

****“You're right. I should respect your decision. But I feel that I'm doing you a grave disservice. There are things that I can't do for you, Bella. There are holes in your life I can't fill. I understand that. Just be happy, Bella; and you can have whatever part of me you want, or none at all, if that's better.”** **

****“I said stop it. Enough with the noble self-sacrifice. Fight!”** **

****“How?” he asked, as I turned to face him.** **

****“Kiss me.”** **


	20. Proposal

We came together so hard I was sure my lips would be bruised. I didn't care – I flung myself at Edward, who was, of course, more cautious. He was careful to shield me from his razor-sharp teeth, still; he kissed me deeply, and with less reserve than I remembered. I clung to the lapels of his peacoat as we sank to our knees in the tall grass, but I tore my lips away from his for long enough to say, “You said I could have any part of you I wanted. I want this part. I want _every_ part.”

“It's a moot point anyway – I clearly don't have the strength to stay away from you, so I suppose we're stuck with each other.” His hands were running all over me as he spoke, and I found myself tearing clumsily at his shirt, trying to get my hands inside it.

Edward lowered me back onto the soft ground and lay against me. While his cool lips pressed under my jaw, I whispered, “Welcome home.”  
His hand curved around my elbow, moving slowly down my arm, across my ribs and over my waist, tracing along my hip and down my leg, around my knee. He paused there, his hand curling around my calf. He pulled my leg up suddenly, hitching it around his hip.

I stopped breathing. This wasn't the kind of thing he had ever allowed before. Despite his cold hands, I felt suddenly warm. His lips moved in the hollow at the base of my throat. “You're really going to have to stop doing that.” He said. “I panic every time.” And he moved my other leg so that I was wrapped around him.

“Can't help myself.” I breathed, as my hand ripped at his belt buckle. I couldn't believe he hadn't stopped me yet. I dared to hope he wouldn't. When I had it loosened, I tugged at his khakis until they were shimmied down his thighs. Edward groaned and pressed against me and I arched my back, digging my fingers into his thick bronze hair. “Please...” I begged as I clung to him.

Edward reached down between us and freed himself, then slid his cool hands up my thighs, pushing my dress up. When his fingers found the flimsy material between us, they tore it effortlessly and I felt the lace trail down my leg as he brushed it away.

He held himself against me for a moment, still and hard as a statue. I could feel the cool smoothness of him between my legs. I wanted him so badly I was blind with it. “Bella, are you sure?” he murmured in my ear.

“Yeah.” I asserted breathlessly, incredibly turned on.

“I love you.”

“That's why we're here.” I quipped, and he gently, slowly began to push inside me. He was only a little way in when I shuddered convulsively. He stopped, shook himself a little, as if awaking from a spell; and looked at me.

It was over then, and Edward was on his feet and dressing before I knew it as I sat on the ground, staring at him uncomprehendingly.

“I'm sorry Bella, I can't do it. Not now, not like this. It's too cold for you, I haven't hunted enough, and it's going to storm any minute.” I looked up, the already gray day had turned dark early, and the trees around the clearing were whipping in the wind. As if to confirm his words, thunder sounded in the distance.  
I stood without speaking and pulled my skirt down. We walked back to the tree line without talking. When we were in the forest, he stopped and waited for me to climb onto his back again. I didn't.

“You're afraid.” I accused.

“Terrified.” he agreed. “I could kill you so easily.

“I don't think you could.”

He looked at me incredulously, and grabbed a nearby tree, tearing it from the ground as easily as if it were a dandelion. He threw it away into the forest with a crash.

“I know how strong you are; you don't have to tear up the forest.”

“Then what are you talking about?”

“I just mean that you don't _want_ to hurt me – so much so that I don't think you ever would.”

“You don't know that.”

“Yes, I do.”

We stared each other down for a full minute, and I was glad it had started to rain, because hot tears were welling in my eyes and I did not want him to see when they spilled over. His sudden rejection had stung.

Edward sighed, defeated. “It isn't that I don't want to, Bella. Believe me, this is very, very difficult for me. Just give me some time, okay? Can you do that?”

I swallowed hard, nodded: and he helped me onto his back. I could feel every movement as Edward ran us through the rain – his clothing chafed against my bare skin and I tried not to cry out in frustration. I wound my arms tighter around his neck and buried my face in it to escape the pelting rain, breathing in his sweet smell.

I made a conscious decision not to fight with him. I was too happy to have him back. There had to be another way.

We were soaked by the time we got back to the car, and by then I really was shivering from cold. Edward draped his coat around me and turned up the heat in the Volvo. Even soaking wet, he was heartbreakingly gorgeous. I, on the other hand, looked like a drowned rat. I flipped up the visor mirror disgustedly as we drove home in silence.

After a few minutes, Edwards' hand found its way into my lap, where I held it in both of mine as I stared out the window, absentmindedly stroking his smooth, hard skin.

When we pulled back into his driveway, Edward asked If I wanted to come in. I had no intentions, however; of seeing his family like _this_ – with grass in my hair and no underpants. “Can I come over later?” he asked, his beautiful velvet voice barely audible over the steady patter of the rain.

“Of course you can. For someone that's been going to school for so long, you're awfully dumb sometimes.” He smiled that crooked smile that I so loved and kissed me quickly.

“Then I will see you later, my love.”

“I'll leave the window open.”

When I got home I made for the shower first thing. Afterwards, warm and relaxed, I threw on some ratty sweatpants and a tank top and went downstairs. I sat at the kitchen table doing my homework until it was nearly time for Charlie to come home. Then I mixed up a batch of cornbread and while it baked, thought about how on earth I was going to break the news about Edward to my father.

When Charlie came home, I put my books aside, dished us up some stew, and took the bread out of the oven. Charlie grunted appreciatively as he hung up his gunbelt. “Smells good, Bells. Been slaving over the stove all day? I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. 

“Not all day. I went for a drive with Edward.” At that, my father's eyes widened, but he didn’t say anything. He promptly became very interested in his stew. We were quiet for several minutes. Then Charlie burst out,

“I really hope you're not considering taking him back after what he did to you.”

“I'm not.” I said, and Charlie visibly relaxed.

I corrected his assumption. “I'm not considering it, Dad. I already have.”

“Dammit, Bella; I won't allow it! That boy is not setting one foot through this door, so help me!”

“I'm legally an adult, Charlie. You can't forbid me to see him.” I bristled, temper flaring.

“I can do anything I damn well please when you're under my roof, young lady!” he was getting red in the face.

“Fine. I'll move out.” Charlie spluttered and coughed, his mustache twitching uncontrollably. “ Well, I don't want to, Dad. But Edward and I are sort of a package deal from here on out.”

Slowly, some of the redness drained out of my father's face, and he looked defeated. “I hope you know what you're doing, kid. I don't understand how you could forgive him so quickly after the way he hurt you.”

“There was nothing to forgive, Dad. Trust me, if you knew the full story...he thought he was doing the right thing, dumping me like that. It's hard to explain, but..he thought a clean break would make it easier for me.

“Hmmph.” Charlie grunted disbelievingly. “And what about Jacob?”

Good question. What _was_ I going to do about Jacob?

“I don't know, Dad. It'll work out somehow.

“Well, I sure hope so.” he grumbled, helping himself to seconds.

“I'm gonna turn in, okay?” He eyed me suspiciously. It was way too early for bed, but suddenly I was exhausted. It had been a long, emotional day.

“You sure you're feeling all right, Bells?” He asked. I got the distinct impression that he was planning to disable my truck somehow as soon as I got upstairs. Didn't matter – I wasn't going anywhere.

“I'll be fine, Dad.” I climbed the stairs to my bedroom, where Edward was waiting for me.

He was sitting in my rocking chair, but he rose and crossed the room in an instant. As soon as I had closed the door, I was in his arms.

“I'm sorry,” he said. “I don't want for you to have to fight with your family over me.”

“It doesn't matter – he'll get over it.”

“I should have a talk with him. Explain my intentions.”

“He might try to shoot you. It'd be hard to explain the bullets ricocheting off.”

“Very funny.”

“You think I'm joking....Hey, do you mind if I get some sleep? I'm kinda worn out.”

“Of course not, Bella. Would you like me to stay?” he stroked my hair soothingly.

“Yes, please.” I said, and I led him to the bed, where; in his marble embrace, I slept a deep and dreamless sleep for the first time in months.  
When I woke up, the sun was shining brightly through the open window and I was sweating. Edward had bundled me into my quilt like a burrito in the night, and he lay next to me, gazing at me serenely. I blinked at him.  
“Oh! You're real.” I said sleepily. “I thought maybe I had dreamed you.”

“The way you perceive me is ridiculous.”

“What time is it?” I asked, disturbed a little by the brightness in the room.

“Nine forty-five or so. You looked so peaceful, I couldn't bear to wake you”

“I'm not going to get anything done if you let me sleep all day.” I chided.

“Soon enough you’ll have all the time in the world.”

This was the first time since our reunion that Edward had made any reference to the possibility of my becoming immortal. He had serious reservations about changing me into a vampire; mostly because he feared for the state of my soul. But now, with the Volturi's visit and our long separation fresh in his mind, he seemed somehow resigned that it was going to happen eventually.

“So.... Carlisle said he was going to do it?” I asked tentatively, while shrugging myself free of the covers and sitting up.

“He said that he would be willing, but that he thought it prudent to wait as long as possible. You can still change your mind, of course.”

“No way.” I shook my head emphatically. “Of course; I'd rather you did it yourself.”

I didn't know why it mattered to me, but it did. There was just something about him being the one to make the choice — to want to keep me enough that he wouldn’t just allow me to be changed, he would act to keep me. It was childish, but I liked the idea that his lips would be the last good thing I would feel. Even more embarrassingly, something I would never say aloud, I wanted _his_ venom to poison my system. It would make me belong to him in a tangible, quantifiable way.

“About that. I've been thinking. What would you say to a compromise?”

“I'm listening....”

“You want me to be the one that changes you, correct?”

I nodded, and he went on. “Then, against my better judgement; I'll cooperate. On one condition. Marry me first.”

I stared blankly at him, but my mind was working furiously. It had been drilled into me by Renee from an early age – mature, responsible people do not get married until they have graduated college and started a career. I was way too young to be thinking about marriage.

On the other hand, when compared with the decision I was already making, marriage wasn't such a big commitment, really. Not that the commitment was the problem, anyway. It was only that Forks was a small town, and if I was to marry Edward straight out of high school, I knew exactly what everyone would assume. It would be so embarrassing.

Of course, it was clearly important to Edward. And it was further evidence that he did love me, after all; and wasn't going to change his mind about keeping me. How could I say no?

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“You seem surprised.”

“To be honest, I think I expected you to put up more of a fight.”

I shrugged. “Well, I don't really see why it's necessary, but if it will make you happy...” There were many things I wanted to say instead, some of them not nice at all, and others more disgustingly romantic than he probably dreamed I was capable of. But I restrained myself.

He beamed at me. “Wait right there.”

Edward crossed the room quickly. As the bright rays of morning sun cut across him, he shone like a diamond. I had never seen anything more beautiful than he was. He retrieved a small box from the pocket of his coat and brought it back to where I sat.

Kneeling next to the bed, Edward took my hand..

"Isabella Swan?" he looked up at me through is impossibly long lashes, his golden eyes soft, but somehow still scorching "I promise to love you forever - every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"

“Yes.” I whispered. He opened the box and produced a diamond ring with an antique setting.

“It was my mother's.” he murmured as he slipped the ring on my finger.

“It's beautiful.” I said. But it didn't hold a candle to him.

Edward brought each one of my fingertips and then the ring that was now mine to his lips. Then he rose to his feet, took my face in his hands; and kissed me exuberantly before climbing back into bed.  
every part.”

“It's a moot point anyway – I clearly don't have the strength to stay away from you, so I suppose we're stuck with each other.” His hands were running all over me as he spoke, and I found myself tearing clumsily at his shirt, trying to get my hands inside it.

Edward lowered me back onto the soft ground and lay against me. While his cool lips pressed under my jaw, I whispered, “Welcome home.”  
His hand curved around my elbow, moving slowly down my arm, across my ribs and over my waist, tracing along my hip and down my leg, around my knee. He paused there, his hand curling around my calf. He pulled my leg up suddenly, hitching it around his hip.

I stopped breathing. This wasn't the kind of thing he had ever allowed before. Despite his cold hands, I felt suddenly warm. His lips moved in the hollow at the base of my throat. “You're really going to have to stop doing that.” He said. “I panic every time.” And he moved my other leg so that I was wrapped around him.

“Can't help myself.” I breathed, as my hand ripped at his belt buckle. I couldn't believe he hadn't stopped me yet. I dared to hope he wouldn't. When I had it loosened, I tugged at his khakis until they were shimmied down his thighs. Edward groaned and pressed against me and I arched my back, digging my fingers into his thick bronze hair. “Please...” I begged as I clung to him.

Edward reached down between us and freed himself, then slid his cool hands up my thighs, pushing my dress up. When his fingers found the flimsy material between us, they tore it effortlessly and I felt the lace trail down my leg as he brushed it away.

He held himself against me for a moment, still and hard as a statue. I could feel the cool smoothness of him between my legs. I wanted him so badly I was blind with it. “Bella, are you sure?” he murmured in my ear.

“Yeah.” I asserted breathlessly, incredibly turned on.

“I love you.”

“That's why we're here.” I quipped, and he gently, slowly began to push inside me. He was only a little way in when I shuddered convulsively. He stopped, shook himself a little, as if awaking from a spell; and looked at me.

It was over then, and Edward was on his feet and dressing before I knew it as I sat on the ground, staring at him uncomprehendingly.

“I'm sorry Bella, I can't do it. Not now, not like this. It's too cold for you, I haven't hunted enough, and it's going to storm any minute.” I looked up, the already gray day had turned dark early, and the trees around the clearing were whipping in the wind. As if to confirm his words, thunder sounded in the distance.  
I stood without speaking and pulled my skirt down. We walked back to the tree line without talking. When we were in the forest, he stopped and waited for me to climb onto his back again. I didn't.

“You're afraid.” I accused.

“Terrified.” he agreed. “I could kill you so easily.

“I don't think you could.”

He looked at me incredulously, and grabbed a nearby tree, tearing it from the ground as easily as if it were a dandelion. He threw it away into the forest with a crash.

“I know how strong you are; you don't have to tear up the forest.”

“Then what are you talking about?”

“I just mean that you don't want to hurt me – so much so that I don't think you ever would.”

“You don't know that.”

“Yes, I do.”

We stared each other down for a full minute, and I was glad it had started to rain, because hot tears were welling in my eyes and I did not want him to see when they spilled over. His sudden rejection had stung.

Edward sighed, defeated. “It isn't that I don't want to, Bella. Believe me, this is very, very difficult for me. Just give me some time, okay? Can you do that?”

I swallowed hard, nodded: and he helped me onto his back. I could feel every movement as Edward ran us through the rain – his clothing chafed against my bare skin and I tried not to cry out in frustration. I wound my arms tighter around his neck and buried my face in it to escape the pelting rain, breathing in his sweet smell.

I made a conscious decision not to fight with him. I was too happy to have him back. There had to be another way.

We were soaked by the time we got back to the car, and by then I really was shivering from cold. Edward draped his coat around me and turned up the heat in the Volvo. Even soaking wet, he was heartbreakingly gorgeous. I, on the other hand, looked like a drowned rat. I flipped up the visor mirror disgustedly as we drove home in silence.

After a few minutes, Edwards' hand found its way into my lap, where I held it in both of mine as I stared out the window, absentmindedly stroking his smooth, hard skin.

When we pulled back into his driveway, Edward asked If I wanted to come in. I had no intentions, however; of seeing his family like this – with grass in my hair and no underpants. “Can I come over later?” he asked, his beautiful velvet voice barely audible over the steady patter of the rain.

“Of course you can. For someone that's been going to school for so long, you're awfully dumb sometimes.” He smiled that crooked smile that I so loved and kissed me quickly.

“Then I will see you later, my love.”

“I'll leave the window open.”

When I got home I made for the shower first thing. Afterwards, warm and relaxed, I threw on some ratty sweatpants and a tank top and went downstairs. I sat at the kitchen table doing my homework until it was nearly time for Charlie to come home. Then I mixed up a batch of cornbread and while it baked, thought about how on earth I was going to break the news about Edward to my father.

When Charlie came home, I put my books aside, dished us up some stew, and took the bread out of the oven. Charlie grunted appreciatively as he hung up his gunbelt. “Smells good, Bells. Been slaving over the stove all day? I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. 

“Not all day. I went for a drive with Edward.” At that, my father's eyes widened, but he didn’t say anything. He promptly became very interested in his stew. We were quiet for several minutes. Then Charlie burst out,

“I really hope you're not considering taking him back after what he did to you.”

“I'm not.” I said, and Charlie visibly relaxed.

I corrected his assumption. “I'm not considering it, Dad. I already have.”

“Dammit, Bella; I won't allow it! That boy is not setting one foot through this door, so help me!”

“I'm legally an adult, Charlie. You can't forbid me to see him.” I bristled, temper flaring.

“I can do anything I damn well please when you're under my roof, young lady!” he was getting red in the face.

“Fine. I'll move out.” Charlie spluttered and coughed, his mustache twitching uncontrollably. “ Well, I don't want to, Dad. But Edward and I are sort of a package deal from here on out.”

Slowly, some of the redness drained out of my father's face, and he looked defeated. “I hope you know what you're doing, kid. I don't understand how you could forgive him so quickly after the way he hurt you.”

“There was nothing to forgive, Dad. Trust me, if you knew the full story...he thought he was doing the right thing, dumping me like that. It's hard to explain, but..he thought a clean break would make it easier for me.

“Hmmph.” Charlie grunted disbelievingly. “And what about Jacob?”

Good question. What was I going to do about Jacob?

“I don't know, Dad. It'll work out somehow.

“Well, I sure hope so.” he grumbled, helping himself to seconds.

“I'm gonna turn in, okay?” He eyed me suspiciously. It was way too early for bed, but suddenly I was exhausted. It had been a long, emotional day.

“You sure you're feeling all right, Bells?” He asked. I got the distinct impression that he was planning to disable my truck somehow as soon as I got upstairs. Didn't matter – I wasn't going anywhere.

“I'll be fine, Dad.” I climbed the stairs to my bedroom, where Edward was waiting for me.

He was sitting in my rocking chair, but he rose and crossed the room in an instant. As soon as I had closed the door, I was in his arms.

“I'm sorry,” he said. “I don't want for you to have to fight with your family over me.”

“It doesn't matter – he'll get over it.”

“I should have a talk with him. Explain my intentions.”

“He might try to shoot you. It'd be hard to explain the bullets ricocheting off.”

“Very funny.”

“You think I'm joking....Hey, do you mind if I get some sleep? I'm kinda worn out.”

“Of course not, Bella. Would you like me to stay?” he stroked my hair soothingly.

“Yes, please.” I said, and I led him to the bed, where; in his marble embrace, I slept a deep and dreamless sleep for the first time in months.  
When I woke up, the sun was shining brightly through the open window and I was sweating. Edward had bundled me into my quilt like a burrito in the night, and he lay next to me, gazing at me serenely. I blinked at him.  
“Oh! You're real.” I said sleepily. “I thought maybe I had dreamed you.”

“The way you perceive me is ridiculous.”

“What time is it?” I asked, disturbed a little by the brightness in the room.

“Nine forty-five or so. You looked so peaceful, I couldn't bear to wake you”

“I'm not going to get anything done if you let me sleep all day.” I chided.

“Soon enough you’ll have all the time in the world.”

This was the first time since our reunion that Edward had made any reference to the possibility of my becoming immortal. He had serious reservations about changing me into a vampire; mostly because he feared for the state of my soul. But now, with the Volturi's visit and our long separation fresh in his mind, he seemed somehow resigned that it was going to happen eventually.

“So.... Carlisle said he was going to do it?” I asked tentatively, while shrugging myself free of the covers and sitting up.

“He said that he would be willing, but that he thought it prudent to wait as long as possible. You can still change your mind, of course.”

“No way.” I shook my head emphatically. “Of course; I'd rather you did it yourself.”

I didn't know why it mattered to me, but it did. There was just something about him being the one to make the choice — to want to keep me enough that he wouldn’t just allow me to be changed, he would act to keep me. It was childish, but I liked the idea that his lips would be the last good thing I would feel. Even more embarrassingly, something I would never say aloud, I wanted his venom to poison my system. It would make me belong to him in a tangible, quantifiable way.

“About that. I've been thinking. What would you say to a compromise?”

“I'm listening....”

“You want me to be the one that changes you, correct?”

I nodded, and he went on. “Then, against my better judgement; I'll cooperate. On one condition. Marry me first.”

I stared blankly at him, but my mind was working furiously. It had been drilled into me by Renee from an early age – mature, responsible people do not get married until they have graduated college and started a career. I was way too young to be thinking about marriage.

On the other hand, when compared with the decision I was already making, marriage wasn't such a big commitment, really. Not that the commitment was the problem, anyway. It was only that Forks was a small town, and if I was to marry Edward straight out of high school, I knew exactly what everyone would assume. It would be so embarrassing.

Of course, it was clearly important to Edward. And it was further evidence that he did love me, after all; and wasn't going to change his mind about keeping me. How could I say no?

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“You seem surprised.”

“To be honest, I think I expected you to put up more of a fight.”

I shrugged. “Well, I don't really see why it's necessary, but if it will make you happy...” There were many things I wanted to say instead, some of them not nice at all, and others more disgustingly romantic than he probably dreamed I was capable of. But I restrained myself.

He beamed at me. “Wait right there.”

Edward crossed the room quickly. As the bright rays of morning sun cut across him, he shone like a diamond. I had never seen anything more beautiful than he was. He retrieved a small box from the pocket of his coat and brought it back to where I sat.

Kneeling next to the bed, Edward took my hand..

"Isabella Swan?" he looked up at me through is impossibly long lashes, his golden eyes soft, but somehow still scorching "I promise to love you forever - every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"

“Yes.” I whispered. He opened the box and produced a diamond ring with an antique setting.

“It was my mother's.” he murmured as he slipped the ring on my finger.

“It's beautiful.” I said. But it didn't hold a candle to him.

Edward brought each one of my fingertips and then the ring that was now mine to his lips. Then he rose to his feet, took my face in his hands; and kissed me exuberantly before climbing back into bed.


	21. Plans

We just lay there for a moment after Edward crawled under the covers. I snuggled into his stone chest and he held me close while it sank in. I was _engaged._

“Promise me something, okay?” I asked him.

“That depends on what it is.” I raised my head to look at him, and Edward grinned crookedly at me.

“I don't want a huge wedding. If I know Alice, this could easily get out of hand.”

“So you'll let her plan it? Oh Bella, she'll be so pleased.”

“Something tells me I won't have a choice.”

“Bella, if you don't want any part of this, just say so. We can elope to Las Vegas, if that's what you want, or just go to the courthouse here. It doesn't have to be a big deal.”

“If we were to go to Vegas, say...today...would you change me sooner?”

“Sure. Let's go.” he called my bluff.

I laughed and shook my head. “Alice would never forgive me.”  
Just then, Edward's cell phone rang. We laughed, knowing who was on the other end.

“Speak of the devil.” Edward greeted his sister, a smile crinkling the corners of his eyes.

“Ohmygod, Edward – I just saw – is it true? Why didn't you tell me!” Alice's squeal was clearly audible, though she wasn't on speakerphone. It probably would hurt the ears of a human, but Edward just laughed.

“She only just accepted, Alice.”

“Put her on!” I heard her say, as Edward handed me the cell.

“Hi, Alice.”

“Bella, I'm so excited! This is wonderful – I need to get to work....Don't worry, Bella; it'll be perfect!”

I chuckled at her enthusiasm. “Just don't go crazy, okay?”

“Promise.” she said confidently. “Okay, I have to go find Esme – we have to start looking at dresses! Talk to you later, Bella! Oh – and tell my brother to get you a new car as a wedding present. I also saw your truck breaking down sometime in the next few months. There's this really cute Porsche I've been eyeing...maybe you could get one too! How fun would that be?”

“NO! I said, perhaps too loudly. “I do not need a Porsche, Alice.”

She giggled. “Whatever you say, Bella.”

Alice hung up and I handed the phone back to her brother, who set it   
aside absentmindedly.

“She might be on to something. That truck isn't very reliable. It's nearly as old as I am.”

“Does that mean I should get rid of you, too?” I asked teasingly; and a flicker of sorrow crossed his features.

“'As with the truck, it would be safest for you if you did.”

“Edward, I didn't...”

“I know. Bella. And I can't bring myself to wish that you would any longer. I'm far too happy and far too selfish for that. But I can't forget that every moment that you're with me, you're in danger.”

“But I won't be, when I'm like you.” I assured him.

“Even then – the Volturi....not to mention your soul...” I could see his happiness beginning to dissipate. I had to do something before this mood   
spiralled out of control.

“Guess what?” I asked him. When I saw I had his attention, I continued. “We're getting _married_.” He smiled again, and I wondered how I would explain to Charlie and Renee – to Jacob. I didn't think they'd ever understand.

“Why is it so important to you, anyway? Marriage, I mean.” The only child of a broken home, I hadn't been raised to have much faith in the institution.

“I don't know, I guess I'm just old-fashioned.” Edward grinned crookedly. “Back to the matter at hand. The car.” I groaned. He ignored me.

“You do know that once we're married, what's mine is yours, right? Legally speaking. So it doesn't matter if I buy you a new car. Or a house. Or put you through school.” His golden eyes twinkled. “I'll give you anything you want, Bella.”

“I only want you.” I whispered.

“You have me.” purred Edward in his rich velvet voice. “Everything that I am is yours. He pressed his lips to mine then, gently, stroking my hair; my face. As usual, my heart leaped inside my chest; and unable to restrain myself, I kissed him back aggressively. He allowed me to maul him for a moment before sighing and pulling back just a bit.

“Not everything,” I pouted.

“Yes, Bella. _Everything_. I promise you, it won't be that long. Can you wait? For me? Just until you're less breakable?” I didn't answer his question.

“When you change me...when I'm less, as you say, breakable....it won't   
be the same. I won't be the same! I don't know _who_ I'll be then.”

“You'll still be Bella.” he promised.  
“But blood will always be what I want most, won't it? Blood, blood, and more blood!”

“The fact that you are still alive is proof that that is not true.” he pointed out.

“Over eighty years later,” I reminded him. “What I meant is physically, though. Intellectually, I know I'll be able to be myself....after a while. But just purely physically – I will always be thirsty, more than anything else.”  
He didn't answer.

“So I will be different,” I concluded unopposed. “Because right now, physically, there's nothing I want more than you. More than food or water or oxygen. Intellectually, I have my priorities in a slightly more sensible order, but physically....” Edward let out a ragged breath.

“Please?” I whispered, my heartbeat picking up speed. My words tumbled out as I rushed to take advantage of the sudden uncertainty in his eyes. “You don't have to make me any guarantees. If it doesn't work out right, well, then that's that. Just let us try....only try. And I'll give you what you want,” I promised rashly. “I”ll marry you, I'll let you pay for school, you can even buy me a fast car if it makes you happy! Just....please.”

“Do you have any idea how painful it is; trying to refuse you when you plead with me this way? It's unbearable.”

“Then don't refuse.” He hesitated for a moment, then said,

“Fine. _After_ the wedding.”  
“Are you serious? This is you being old-fashioned again, isn't it? What, are you trying to protect your virtue?” I snickered.

“I've killed, lied, coveted....my virtue is all I have left.” He grinned crookedly.

“So that's it. You won't sleep with me until we're married.”

“Technically, I can't ever _sleep_ with you.”

I rolled my eyes. “Very mature, Edward.”

He grabbed my hand, pressing his cool lips to my palm, then my wrist.

“I promise you, Bella. We will try. But I want to be prepared. I couldn't bear it if I lost control and hurt you.”

I shook my head, dismissing the possibility. “You don't give yourself enough credit. I'll prove it to you, if you'll let me.”

“Well now my curiosity is piqued.” he said, “I'm listening.”  
I just looked at him for a moment, all lanky limbs stretched out on the bed beside me. He was too beautiful. What was the word he'd used just now? Unbearable – his beauty was too much to bear....

“Be very, very still.” I told him in a confidential whisper, “I just want to try one thing.”


	22. The Last Person I Ever Thought I'd Have This Conversation With

I ended up at the beach. I guess it made sense that I would go there – it had kind of been our spot. But I had counted on being alone, and I definitely wasn't. I slowed my pace when I saw a dark figure sitting on the driftwood log in the moonlight, and stopped when I realized it was Leah.

“What are you doing here?”

“I didn't see any signs that said “Jacob's beach.”

“Oh, you missed them? They're about a mile back that way.”

I pointed back down the coast to where the shore got rocky before merging into the cliffs. Leah didn't respond to my joke, nor did she get up. I moved a few steps closer cautiously. I knew pretty well how quickly Leah Clearwater could bite your head off if she was in the mood.

But she didn't say anything when I approached, and when I sat down on the other end of the log, she turned her face away. Had she been crying? I felt uncomfortable suddenly, as though I had intruded on her somehow. “You know I used to come here all the time.” She said finally, before eventually adding, “With Sam. It's been kind of nice having it back to myself these last couple of weeks – since things went south with your little leech-lover.”

A retort rose to my lips, but then Leah sniffled, and I restrained myself. “Well I'm glad someone's happy, I guess.” I said instead. She laughed, and it sounded small and bitter.

“Yeah. Overjoyed.”

We didn't say anything for a while. There was a part of me that was dying to talk about what had just happened at the Swans' – but Leah wasn't exactly the kind of person I thought I could ever feel comfortable opening up to. As if she could tell what I was thinking, she finally broke the silence.

“I wasn't born a bitch, you know.”

“Just became one, after years of hard work?” I awkwardly gave her arm a soft punch. Leah swayed on the log, but otherwise didn't react. Under normal circumstances, I figured she would have decked me. She really must feel bad. Well, that made two of us.

“Love does weird shit to people.”

“Tell me about it.” I said, and then I found myself hoping she wouldn't take me too literally. I didn't have the time or energy to deal with Leah's pain right now. I was too caught up in my own shit.

“So, what happened?”she asked. “If you don't mind my asking. I mean, I got an idea, just from...you know...but maybe I missed something.”

She probably had a better idea already about what was going on in my love life than I wanted her to. Being able to see inside each other's heads on a hunt was a blessing, but most of the time I saw it as a curse, and I knew she did too. I kept my mouth shut.

“You knew he was hovering around on the sidelines – am I right? And then you went and fucked up all on your own.”

I slumped off the log and onto the ground, where I could stretch out, leaning back against the salt-whitened wood. “Yeah, I guess so.” I admitted.

“So with her pissed at you, he gets the chance to slide right back in, huh?” I shrugged. I wished she would shut the hell up. No one had asked for her opinion.

“Give it up, kid. Forget it.”

“What are you talking about, forget it?”

“I'm talking about you not standing a chance in this little contest over Bella Swan. Don't you remember how she reacted when the leeches skipped town? Hell, I remember, and I don't even know her.”

Of course I remembered. How could I forget the shell she'd been?  
“She was getting better. She would have been okay.” I needed to believe that.

“Getting better at faking it, maybe.” I gave Leah a hard look and she waved her hand at me. “Hey, you hit a point where, if you don't get your shit together and start acting normal, people want to get involved in your business. But that doesn't mean you forget....girls have long memories; trust me. I know. So like I said, do yourself a favor and forget her.”

“I can't.”

“Even if she goes back to him? What's the point? Leave her to it.”

“People make bad decisions!” I argued. “She's still my friend, if nothing else. I can't just leave her to die, to become one of those...” We both shuddered involuntarily. Leah didn't like vampires any more than I did. “I can't give up on her.” I said more quietly, “Not while she's still breathing.”

“And afterwards? What happens if he bites her?”

I was on my feet, already pacing. My hands shook and bile rose in my throat. “Then I'll kill him. If he bites her, it's war.” There was no doubt in my mind – no hesitation.

She barked a laugh. “Sam will never go for it. The girl may be stupid, but she knows what she's getting into. I'll tell you what he'll say right now -”  
Leah lapsed into the absurdly deep voice she used to mock Sam. “Bella Swan made an informed choice, Jacob. It doesn't violate the spirit of the treaty.”

She frowned and crossed her arms in a dead-on impression that would have gotten at least a chuckle out of me, if I wasn't already so pissed off. “I don't need Sam's permission.” I spat. “Anyway, they're not even back together.” It sounded defensive and pathetic - even to me. The frustration and anger in me rose; crested until my hands were shaking. I wheeled to face Leah, who still sat, arms folded over her chest, challenging me.

“What the hell do you know, anyway? Who are you to give anyone advice, Leah? You're not doing any better – why don't you worry about your own fucked-up life, you bitter, miserable bitch?”

We phased and sprang at almost the same instant, but I was bigger and knocked her down right away. She was quick though, and every time I thought I had her in my teeth, she managed to squirm free as I snapped at the empty air.

Tumbling along, we moved a ton of sand and sprayed pebbles in the air as we dug for purchase with our claws, each trying to get the upper hand. Eventually, we crashed into the driftwood log where we had been sitting, the one on which I had sat with Bella that first day we had met. It shattered under our weight, and the fragments stuck in our fur and skin as I pinned her, snarling.

Leah struggled, and I held her down until she gave up. Then I bolted into the forest, running as fast as I could in the direction of my house.  
Behind me, she was running off in the other direction, but that couldn't stop me from hearing her. I wished she would phase back so I wouldn't have to see myself through her eyes and hear the steady stream of abuse she thought at me.

I couldn't get to my house quick enough. I phased and the voice in my head turned off. The lights were off, and my father was in bed already. I went into the kitchen and quietly rummaged under the sink, where my father kept a bottle of bourbon “for emergencies”. He had done it ever since my mom had died, when there hadn't been a drop in the house to soften the news.

I took a deep swig and grimaced, then another one. I put the bottle back and went down the hall to my room, where I flopped on my little bed and passed out until morning.


	23. Love Means Never Having To Say "I'm Leaving You For A Dead Guy".

I woke up with the whole pack crammed inside my room. Except Leah. I sat up and caught sight of her pacing outside. I shook as many of the splinters of wood out of my hair as I could while the guys stared at me.

Sam somehow managed to seem disapproving and sympathetic at the same time. Paul and Jared just looked amused. Embry, Quil, and Seth looked concerned – well, as concerned as Seth could look. The kid was the kind of happy-go-lucky person that never seemed to dwell on anything negative for long. I had been a lot like him once, and somehow along the way that had changed.

“Rough night, Jake?” Jared chortled.

“Any night you run into Leah is a rough night!” 

Paul joined in, and they cackled like a pair of hyenas until Sam shut them up with a look and a quiet “Enough. You awake?” He asked, turning to me.

“Yeah. I'm good.” I said, as I pulled a pair of shorts off of the floor and put them on.

“All right. Come on.” Sam led the way out of the house and across our property. I looked back to see Leah fall in behind us. She kept back a little, trailing along after the group.

“It looks like the new vamps have skipped town, but I don't think we should get too comfortable.”

“What do we know about them? Why were they here?” I asked.

“Nothing.” Sam said. Well, that was comforting. “There were three of them. The trail led straight onto the Cullen's property. They didn't stay long. They didn't hunt. At least, not in the area. As far as we know.” He frowned, clearly disturbed by how little we had to go on.

“Bella said something about them being interested in her.”

“What does that mean?” He wondered.

“Beats me. I didn't ask, it was...kind of a bad time.”

Sam nodded. “I think we should keep up the patrols indefinitely. There's been a lot going on, and I think we'd better be prepared for anything. Okay - here's how we're doing this,” He went on. “Paul, Jared. You're with me. We'll be covering the La Push border. One of you can sit out for now, we'll take it in shifts.”

“I call it!” Jared hollered over the end of Sam's sentence.

“You see what I have to put up with?” Paul joked.

“Aw, c'mon, I wanna go see Kim!” He bounced up and down on the balls of his feet impatiently.

Sam looked at Paul, who shrugged. Sam nodded, and Jared whooped loudly and took off east at a run, like he literally could not get back to his girlfriend fast enough. Imprinted people were weird.

“Okay, back to business – Jacob, Embry, Quil; same thing, but you're patrolling Forks.

“You go, Quil.” Offered Embry. “I'm in trouble for ditching school so much already this year. If I show my face at home right now, my mom will kill me.”

Embry's mother didn't know he was a werewolf, and didn't know about his extracurricular vampire-protection duties. If she had, maybe he wouldn't be grounded all the time for staying out all night and skipping school. Sam had even given him the go-ahead to tell her when it seemed like things were getting too hard for him, but Embry had refused. He knew how important it was for our secret to be kept - lives depended on us, and he wasn't convinced that his mother could handle the truth.

"Cool, thanks! I'll see you guys later!" he said, and he ran off too.

Sam turned to Leah last. "LeeLee, you're the fastest - i want you to run the whole area. Keep an eye on the surrounding communities as well. Seth, you should get back to school. We'll call you if we need you."

"Awww, but I wanna stay with Leah!" Seth whined. "Come on, Leah; let me run with you! I won't slow you down, I promise!"

"Fine, Seth." Leah said curtly. "Whether or not my brother should be in school is not your concern," she snapped at Sam. "And don't. Call me that. Ever again."

She and Seth ran off in one direction, Sam shook his head and left with Paul in the other, and Embry and I headed for Forks.

I took off pretty quick, not looking to see if he was keeping up - I didn't feel much like talking and I hoped he'd take the hint, but no such luck.

“What happened last night, Jake? Leah didn't tell us much….”

“You mean she does know how to mind her own business? News to me….”

“I think she was trying to help, man. You know she's not that good with people.”

“Understatement of the century.”

He barked a laugh as we ran. I was still setting the pace, but every once in a while, he'd put on a burst of speed and cross the path in front of me.

“So….what did she say?”

“Just that she told you you'd be better off without Bella. And that you didn't like hearing it much.” He didn't say anything else after that. He just ran, and waited until I had to ask. Embry knew me too well.

“So? You obviously have an opinion, so go ahead and say whatever it is.” He hesitated.

“You ever think…say you and Bella don't get back together - you think you and Leah…”

“ **NO** ”. I saw where he was going and I wanted no part of it.

“I don't know, forget I said anything.”

But I could see it in his head, and how much sense it would make to him. Never mind that there was zero chance of it ever happening.

“It's not like that.”

“Nah, I know, never mind. But do you think….. that she might have a point? About Bella?”

I hadn't seen that coming. So even Embry was rooting for this to fail. 

But what about the consequences? There was more at stake than my relationship with her. If she did what everyone seemed to think she would, Bella's life would be in danger. If she did what I feared most, her life would end and she would become….

I shuddered. I couldn't let that happen. It didn't matter what anyone thought. We were supposed to be protecting people. So what if that meant protecting Bella from herself, too? I couldn't just give up on her. Not while there was still hope.

I sped up, putting some distance between me and Embry. He let me, hanging back to give me some space. We ran like that for three hours, doing laps through the deep woods around the quiet town. Sometime after nine, Quil came back and we ran together. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to take a break. I didn't want to think, and it was easier not to when I was a wolf. I kept going long after I should have quit. I ran all day and night while they traded off, and when I finally did quit the next morning, I still couldn't go home. I had to know.  
I went to Bella's house. For no good reason, really. She shouldn't even have been there. It was after nine. But when i passed the house, her truck was in the driveway.

Had he driven her to school? Had Charlie? Was there something wrong with the truck? I should have a look at it…a hundred thoughts ran through my head. Had something happened? I went around back and my worries disappeared.

Bella's bedroom window was open. Wide. An invitation. She had made her decision, then! I bounded silently up into the tree next to the house.  
What I saw stopped me dead in my tracks.

Bella sat on her bed - and lying next to her was Edward Cullen.

"Well, now my curiosity is piqued." he said, "I'm listening."

She whispered something in his ear and he made a show of folding his hands behind his head and closing his eyes.

It was like watching a car crash in slow motion. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't tear my eyes away as she slowly unbuttoned first his shirt, and then his pants. As Bella peeled back the fabric, so carefully you'd think she was afraid of somehow hurting him; her hands moved over his skin like she was seeing with them, learning every inch. The bloodsucker wasn't moving. He was holding his breath, but he looked pretty blissed out.

I couldn't say I blamed him.

He had to know I was there - he could hear every thought in my head, probably. What was he doing letting her keep going? Getting back at me? I had done it to him enough times.

Everywhere the sun hit, Cullen was glittering like a disco ball; and the sun was hitting way too many places already. I wanted to bleach my eyes, but that wasn't even the worst part.

The worst part, the part that killed me, was how goddamned happy she looked. She was glowing - radiating happiness and contentment in a way I hadn't seen her do in…well, maybe ever. I was shaking so hard that the leaves in the tree around me were rustling. She didn't hear it, and he didn't open his eyes. I couldn't speak.

"Is this all right?" She asked him.

It wasn't.

_So this is what my worst day ever looks like._

In a perverse echo of my thought, he said; "This may be the best day ever. Not only did you just agree to marry me, but that feels…" her hand moved lower, he groaned. I broke the branch I was holding. "….Amazing."

I wanted to kill him. I wanted to let the anger take over and make me an animal. But then I saw her shining face again and it broke my heart; so that all i could do was ask, "Bella, what the fuck?" She looked up, startled. 

“Jacob…what?"

"Married? You're gonna….are you serious?"

"Jake, I…. I was going to tell you…"

"So that's it then. It's been nice knowing you."

She stopped, shocked. Did she really think this could have gone any other way?

"Can't we still know each other? I mean…can't we be friends? Eventually? You're my best friend, Jacob." she said, and her voice broke.

"You won't be you anymore. The Bella I love will be dead."

"I won't be-" She started, but I cut her off.

"It would be better if you were." She winced as though I had slapped her. "Okay, I didn't mean that. I'm sorry." I said quickly. "I just….I can't. I've gotta go."

"Jake, wait…." She started, but I had dropped out of the tree to the ground already.

"Let him go, Bella." I heard him say as I turned to leave.

I ran for it. It seemed like I was doing a lot of that these days. 

Everything I had so recently said about protecting Bella from herself, about not giving up on her, had come back to slap me in the face. My words echoed in my ears and they sounded foolish and naive, even to me. It only made me angrier. I blew through Forks, running faster than it was safe for me to be seen doing. It didn't matter - all I wanted was to escape, and nowhere was far enough away for me.

I wanted to forget today had ever happened. I wanted to erase from my mind the expression on Bella's face when she looked at him, and the words _you agreed to marry me._ I ran until my lungs were burning, and I was already miles outside of Forks when I ran into Leah and Seth.

The wolves heard my approach and stopped, waiting to see what I would do. I took one look at the gray wolf that was Leah Clearwater, and even without being able to hear her thoughts, the look in her eyes was clear. It said "I told you so."

I didn't stay to hear it. I kept running, phasing on the fly and destroying utterly my last pair of wearable sneakers. In my mind's eye, I saw Seth take off after me, and Leah cut him off, shaking her head at him to leave me be. I didn't even slow down; and I didn't stop until I hit Canada.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there was originally a chapter 24 to this fic, but it has been eaten by the internet and lost to time. If you're reading this and have enjoyed the story so far, and want more; please let me know by leaving comments or kudos. While I'm much more focused on my current WIPs, I could be persuaded. Either way, I love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for reading!


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